i really can't give this anythign more than a 1, simply because of the atrocious and seemingly random pronoun selection... the references shift from "we" to "my" to "he" within one paragraph, and they all reference ONE person.
Seemed choppy. Story suffered with either not enough details or too much at various points. Had potential though.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! orBack to Give and Take orMore submissions by Verynicehands.
[...]
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Posting...
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Give and Take:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Preview comment
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to Verynicehands:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Send feedback
Sending...
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Username:
Password:Forgot your password?
Security code:
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save Cancel
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.
Close
English
pronoun carnage
i really can't give this anythign more than a 1, simply because of the atrocious and seemingly random pronoun selection... the references shift from "we" to "my" to "he" within one paragraph, and they all reference ONE person.
Could have been more...
Seemed choppy. Story suffered with either not enough details or too much at various points. Had potential though.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Give and Take or
More submissions by Verynicehands.