Not Erotic Coupling - another category would be better
A couple points: the story has potential, but definitely needs editing. You can check with volunteers here to help with both structural issues and the copyediting problems (Mrs H calls her brother 'my sister'). If you do it yourself, try reading the whole thing out loud. If it doesn't sound good to your ear, it won't read well either. But a second set of eyes is free and preferable.
Also, rethink the category you have placed this story in: erotic coupling. This is for one on one heterosexual sex. Anything else and you will be voted down, most likely. Readers don't appreciate getting stuff they didn't ask for, or weren't warned about in a brief intro. In this case, gay, lesbian, and borderline fetish, group and incest. The editor can likely help with category suggestions too, or ask for suggestions in the forum, especially as the story evolves with editing.
Thanks for sharing, good luck and keep writing!
English
Not Erotic Coupling - another category would be better
A couple points: the story has potential, but definitely needs editing. You can check with volunteers here to help with both structural issues and the copyediting problems (Mrs H calls her brother 'my sister'). If you do it yourself, try reading the whole thing out loud. If it doesn't sound good to your ear, it won't read well either. But a second set of eyes is free and preferable.
Also, rethink the category you have placed this story in: erotic coupling. This is for one on one heterosexual sex. Anything else and you will be voted down, most likely. Readers don't appreciate getting stuff they didn't ask for, or weren't warned about in a brief intro. In this case, gay, lesbian, and borderline fetish, group and incest. The editor can likely help with category suggestions too, or ask for suggestions in the forum, especially as the story evolves with editing.
Thanks for sharing, good luck and keep writing!
great story
would love to hear more like it from you!
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