I'll point out one thing, though. Consider it a suggestion. The "drunk" dialog might help to set the scene, but it can also get tedious after a while. You might consider toning it down.
by
Anonymous10/24/14
Stop with the Blarney
I agree with Epiphany Jones. It makes the reading tedious, and it's not very clever as you might think.
by
Anonymous10/24/14
zz
The dumb drunk bit ruined this .............
by
Anonymous10/24/14
First "Anonymous" Gets My Support.
I think it is quite tittlating, and I am looking forward to more of this tale.
English
Very good begining, more please!
Intriguing beginning for a story.
I'll point out one thing, though. Consider it a suggestion. The "drunk" dialog might help to set the scene, but it can also get tedious after a while. You might consider toning it down.
Stop with the Blarney
I agree with Epiphany Jones. It makes the reading tedious, and it's not very clever as you might think.
zz
The dumb drunk bit ruined this .............
First "Anonymous" Gets My Support.
I think it is quite tittlating, and I am looking forward to more of this tale.
Good for a laugh
This story is good for a laugh. I get the feeling that both parents don't know if they should laugh or cry, thus the booze.
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