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English
A confused story...
A confused story, not telling who was who, how they got to that situation, and above all, I never see camping with beds, couches, doors...They were fucking in the couch and ended it in the bed...
good story
A wonderful, sexy story marred by a lack of editing.
re: A confused story...
Well, they COULD have been in a cabin. However, that is at best a guess since the, uh, writer never did establish where the were of the circumstances outside of the title.
Outside of that, yeah, every comment it valid, e.g., poor punctuation (if any), confusing POV, constantly changing tense.
Short and Sweet
Loved it. The writer was completely turned on by watching his wife be a whore next to him. Hot scene. She got the big dick she was craving.
You can do a lot better
You start in 2nd person POV, always a lousy POV for a new writer or for any writer of erotica, then switch to 3rd person--mostly, I think. (I'm trying to get the point across that it's a confusing story.) As others have commented you don't set the scene very well either, (camping with a bed? possible but must be developed)
On the plus side you have a very good story line that you can develop into quite a story. In fact I,m working on a story with the working title, The Camp, that takes a path very similar to yours.
Keep writing, you're going to be really good.
NICE STORY
Very nice story,I liked it.Everyone had a great time.That is all that counts.
Happiness
Happiness is knowing your place and enjoying it. I could easily have been the husband. Watching my wife being sexually satisfied would get me off too.
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