Shrinking Violet

1 star

Wow you need an editor bad. The story totaly sucked.

Thanks for the effort.

Total waste

Predictable, boring, over the top.

my

what a waste of ink.

Really...

Well written, but no emotions, a story with people do bad things and feel no guilt...

What!!?

"Well written, but no emotions, a story with people do bad things and feel no guilt." That is almost the definition of poorly written!

How could I write this story to long term revenge story?

Interesting story. Jim MUST NOT remarry her! I think the true story remained in the Author's brain. How does he think the future life of this family. This man is a very good Dad candidate for single woman who hunt for good father-husband candidates.
If they did not remarry and August became older he could find such younger wife candidate..........The true romantic revenge.

Duna

I liked it

Readers should have seen what was going to happen to this stupid woman. An example of the 'look-at-me' celebrity culture for people who cannot think for themselves.
A couple of comments on Vi's speech. Again ought to be aggin. Meself is mesel' or mesenn and A Hairdresser is, of course, an 'airdresser.

Good, different but good.....

Interesting to say the least.

What a piece of garbage!!

1. Please learn to write.
2. Get rid of the numbers.
3. Learn punctuation!

Very difficult challenge . . .

Trying to write spoken slang. Since there is no accepted spellin' for slang, the reader has to be familiar with the slang to 'stand what your characters are sayn'. Appreciate your effort, but trying to decipher the slang makes reading and enjoying the story very difficult. Also, you could write the sequel where Rosie and Jim finally hookup and start their own family, but I think that's understood. Several options what to do with Vi, but does anyone really care about that stupid selfish cow? Probably not a slut, since she slept with Darren just once, and probably had plenty of offers while touring. I would choose Vi becoming housekeeper/nanny with Rosie becoming wife, but I'm a softie. Thanks for the effort.

Oh well

All I can say is that this story, wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be when I started reading it. but all-in-all it really wasn't a bad story. A bit hard to try and figure out some of what I'm sure was suppose to be an attempt at using some sort of slang words. but as I said not to bad of a story.

WHEN ONE STEPS OUT OF HIS SKIN

they better have xtra training and mind control. TK U MLJ LV NV

I is confused...

If her folks are sending her money so she can live in a small flat which would leave "her on her own"... why would Jim let her move back in...?
I'd like to say why would he let her move in AT ALL but am guessing he did it for his daughter.
And if Rosie really likes Jim and August why would she not come round all the time like she used to just because her skank of a sister lived there too...? Like Rosie should give a rat's ass what does or does not make Vi happy...?

Incidentally, I assume a "decree nisi" is the "OK, you're no longer married" paperwork...?

You're right

It was boring. Found myself skipping through it. But you warned us, so my bad.

GREAT STORY, SUBTLE ENDING

Am I the only one who got the end? Rosie doesn't come around right now and Darren guy got drugs planted on him in Thailand by: "blond tart @rosiegee with nice arse, she planted drugs in my bag."

Huge Language Barrier

For me. Don't do the ebonics well. Liked the style of the story, but it ended rather softly, without any real resolution.
Thanks for the read.

Sucked.

Yeah, it sucked big time. Well, I mean most of was okay but the REVENGE... you know, the category this story is in, just sucked. To hell with her and her bastard child. Where'd you get your ideas from, Matt Moreau??? Because that fucker knows nothing of revenge. He always screws over the men and makes the women and their lovers the winners in his stories. And then, just when it can't get worse, he makes the victimized men reconcile in the most lamest and wimpiest ways with their ex-spouses to that of a fucked up friendship. No man in real does that crap. We'd rather die than be a part of something that brought us so much pain. Write better next time.

1*

unreadable.

nice try

Interesting twist on storytelling. Characters speaking in the vernacular was a nice touch. It's wurkin' class, innit?
Nice exercise, though wouldn't say it worked 100%, but as a first try, it was pretty good.
Keep at it, expand your conceptual continuity! (borrowed from the late great Frank Zappa)
Cheers,
Robert