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English
Thank You...
...for making my first erotic horror story very pleasurable. Always, E
Minor edits please
I read this because of your thread about 'bombing'. I enjoyed it but some of the flaws jarred e.g.
"As his thick cock presses against her tongue her wrap it around him and close her lips encircling his meaty prick."
I presume that should read 'she wraps it ... closes her lips ...'
The story could be better with a little more editing. Some of the categories you write for I rarely read so I'm not qualified to comment.
Best wishes from Og.
good story
you need to fix some errors, other than that it was good
distracting
I'm afraid that I found the grammar problems to be very distracting (e.g. she vs. her), and the story was a bit choppy and unbelievable at times.
cool
i liked it. it did have grammer mistakes but it was cool.
Could Be Better
It was all right, but it could have been better. Don't get discouraged though because you've got the makings for a damn good story.
Nice!
Very arousing story, great description during the sex scenes. Could use minor literary editing but only as long as the editing doesn't change the overall storytelling.
Have you ever....
...had sex?!
are you foreign?
You don't seem to get the times to properly use "she, her, him, his, etc" just wondering. The story also jumps along. He's a regular putrid smelling guy with fangs that drinks blood? What?
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