Dani's Cumuppence Pt. 01

Fun, but a bit confusing

The concept is fun, and I enjoy Dani's amusing, wide-eyed take on this surprise orgy. Overall, it is a pretty sexy story-- but some of the word choices are really weird, almost like something fed through an online translator. Plus some of the background details are confusing-- sometimes Dani talks like she barely knows these people, but on the other hand she's made intimate confessions months ago. These background details are so hastily sketched in, they're confusing and distracting. The story would be improved by taking just a little time to get the background straightened out.

could be longer

Story moves way to fast. Story talks of two days yet only tells us one hour of her 2 day birthday. Also we assume assume the first guy cums in her but it never actually says that.

Thanks Guys

I went with this cuz of Halloween, but it's not my favorite or my best. So I appreciate your input. My shoulders are broad, I can take the criticism.

Keep writing Dani.. you have a unique take on things and I enjoy seeing where you take us...

Thanks Canadian!

It's ok…I had some other choices I wish I'd gone with. But I still have other opportunities, just not enough time to bother. It's likely they won't publish Part 2 so I will just delete the first one.

I appreciate the feedback

I felt that too about the story. But feedback helps me get ready and focussed for the next time.