You wrote: "Note from the author: Did you like the story? Leave a comment, drop me a line..."
I have two counter-questions to you:
In the beginning you inform name girlfriend of driver is Amanda. "Amanda looked at me "You're not thinking of picking him up are you?"
But suddenly I found below it: "Kate was complaining about the cold now, but I can never stand a warm car."
So question #1: Kate or Amanda though?
Well go on...
Description of girlfriend cloth in the beginning is:
"I was driving and she sat beside me in the passenger seat, in a cute skirt and a new v-cut shirt she'd just bought."
But suddenly after she moved to backseat: " But I could see the look he had, and I knew how good her legs felt, even through her jeans.... At that second, her hips were up as she allowed him to scoot her tight jeans off her, leaving her in her bright blue panties."
Here comes question #2:
When she was making a change of dressing?
So I can see she could change for her position in the car only. But did I miss moment of crossdressing? :D
As result - I gave you star # 2. But you have a good chance... I guess... Just please fix your mistakes... and your idea of story is pretty interesting. Try to create a continuation for this adventures on the road. Keep writing!
by
Anonymous10/30/14
@previous comment. Obviously the writer can't keep names straight and ha no idea about continuity and lastly probably doesn't really care since they clearly didn't proof read themselves.
by
Anonymous10/30/14
yeah there were some mistakes, but loving the story
Please continue. I love the way it is building. Very sexy.
I agree that the name changed but I kept on reading. I get a kick out of the complainers. If you were in the back with a woman hitchhiker and your girl friend was driving no one would complain or call you names. Girls/women have a great capacity for sex, it would be nice if we could get over the ownership thing.
More please!
by
Anonymous10/30/14
If
If you continue, try to explain why the driver accepts what his former gf does without inviting both of his passengers to leave HIS car.
Some time ago my wife, cousin and myself were driving toward home from a night out. My cousin Roger was in the back seat. I was fooling around with my wife Gina, squesing her tits and trying to get to her pussy. I jokingly said if you don't cooperate I'l get Rog to help me. He immediatly volenteered to hold her. Gina was a little sloshed, and said if I was not careful she would climb in the back and fuck Roger. I told her I didn't care if she did. She said "really!!!", I said go ahead and she did. I kept driving while things got hot and heavy in the back seat. She really gave him a ride. We finally pulled into a rest area and the three of us continued. This satarted a long relationship between us.
Are you kidding me? You stop a story right at the middle, and then beg the readers for feedback?
There are so many problems with this story, beginning with the fact that you placed it in "Loving Wives", and there is no wife in the story! The hitchhiker is creepy, the girlfriend's motivation for climbing into the backseat with this pervert are never mentioned. Neither is the motivation of the boyfriend to continue driving when this creepy a-hole is feeling up his girlfriend.
In the space of a few minutes she goes from driving past him to climbing into the back seat with him. This is ridiculous. A writer needs to have a plausible explanation for the behaviour of his/her characters.
I'm undecided about this...Why? 1st - She was his girlfriend...he will have the chance to drop her...And so the story can go on...2nd - She isn't a wife...so why continue with it?
by
Anonymous11/02/14
Great start
Looks like a good beginning for a fun story. Just be more careful with continuity. As a man who has watched his wife make-out with another man as I drove, I totally get this story.
by
Anonymous11/10/14
need more
to figure out if I like the story. Please continue...
by
Anonymous11/12/14
Pretty sleazy of the girlfriend....
....to suddenly get naked in the back seat with a stranger.
Suddenly his great girlfriend is a poster child for "Sluts-R-Us". Seems like maybe he should recalculate his plans for the next few days......not to include her and her friend's wedding and maybe getting as far away from her as humanly possible.
English
I have two questions
Hello Sensa9!
You wrote: "Note from the author: Did you like the story? Leave a comment, drop me a line..."
I have two counter-questions to you:
In the beginning you inform name girlfriend of driver is Amanda. "Amanda looked at me "You're not thinking of picking him up are you?"
But suddenly I found below it: "Kate was complaining about the cold now, but I can never stand a warm car."
So question #1: Kate or Amanda though?
Well go on...
Description of girlfriend cloth in the beginning is:
"I was driving and she sat beside me in the passenger seat, in a cute skirt and a new v-cut shirt she'd just bought."
But suddenly after she moved to backseat: " But I could see the look he had, and I knew how good her legs felt, even through her jeans.... At that second, her hips were up as she allowed him to scoot her tight jeans off her, leaving her in her bright blue panties."
Here comes question #2:
When she was making a change of dressing?
So I can see she could change for her position in the car only. But did I miss moment of crossdressing? :D
As result - I gave you star # 2. But you have a good chance... I guess... Just please fix your mistakes... and your idea of story is pretty interesting. Try to create a continuation for this adventures on the road. Keep writing!
@previous comment. Obviously the writer can't keep names straight and ha no idea about continuity and lastly probably doesn't really care since they clearly didn't proof read themselves.
yeah there were some mistakes, but loving the story
Please continue. I love the way it is building. Very sexy.
Good so far.
I agree that the name changed but I kept on reading. I get a kick out of the complainers. If you were in the back with a woman hitchhiker and your girl friend was driving no one would complain or call you names. Girls/women have a great capacity for sex, it would be nice if we could get over the ownership thing.
More please!
If
If you continue, try to explain why the driver accepts what his former gf does without inviting both of his passengers to leave HIS car.
Where was the Loving wife?
Once again, garbage posted in the wrong category.
The story has potential......
But whatever you do, don't end the story like this...."whether Amanda fucked the hitchhiker or not is irrelevant."
Ending
Wheres the ending?? What happened thru the rest of the trip?? Alot left untold...
More
please continue... great start..
not exactly the same...but..
Some time ago my wife, cousin and myself were driving toward home from a night out. My cousin Roger was in the back seat. I was fooling around with my wife Gina, squesing her tits and trying to get to her pussy. I jokingly said if you don't cooperate I'l get Rog to help me. He immediatly volenteered to hold her. Gina was a little sloshed, and said if I was not careful she would climb in the back and fuck Roger. I told her I didn't care if she did. She said "really!!!", I said go ahead and she did. I kept driving while things got hot and heavy in the back seat. She really gave him a ride. We finally pulled into a rest area and the three of us continued. This satarted a long relationship between us.
Stop right there
Are you kidding me? You stop a story right at the middle, and then beg the readers for feedback?
There are so many problems with this story, beginning with the fact that you placed it in "Loving Wives", and there is no wife in the story! The hitchhiker is creepy, the girlfriend's motivation for climbing into the backseat with this pervert are never mentioned. Neither is the motivation of the boyfriend to continue driving when this creepy a-hole is feeling up his girlfriend.
What a mess. If you want my vote: don't continue.
Yeah. You have a good yarn going. It wouldn't make me mad to read more.
I plan to write more?
Do us all a favor and reconsider. You don't have what it takes to write erotica.
In a Nutshell
In the space of a few minutes she goes from driving past him to climbing into the back seat with him. This is ridiculous. A writer needs to have a plausible explanation for the behaviour of his/her characters.
Go for it (her)!
How far is the hitchhiker going??
Yep
I'd like to see more please
I'm undecided about this...
I'm undecided about this...Why? 1st - She was his girlfriend...he will have the chance to drop her...And so the story can go on...2nd - She isn't a wife...so why continue with it?
Great start
Looks like a good beginning for a fun story. Just be more careful with continuity. As a man who has watched his wife make-out with another man as I drove, I totally get this story.
need more
to figure out if I like the story. Please continue...
Pretty sleazy of the girlfriend....
....to suddenly get naked in the back seat with a stranger.
Suddenly his great girlfriend is a poster child for "Sluts-R-Us". Seems like maybe he should recalculate his plans for the next few days......not to include her and her friend's wedding and maybe getting as far away from her as humanly possible.
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