My Girlfriend's Mom Ch. 01

Hey stupid

The title says "my girlfriends mom" and from what we can tell you fucked some young girl not to mention it was rushed and written like some teenager going through puberty. Major fail!

er, wrong category

seems rushed, i suggest: change the title, and category,romance maybe. some minor editing. want to know more about jake & katie, cute couple.

re: Hey stupid

Uh, did you see the chapter # in the title? That means (and I have feeling this will blow your mind) THE STORY'S NOT DONE! The logical assumption is that mother will make an appearance in a later chapter. While, say, erotic coupling could have fit this chapter, I'm also assuming the writer wanted to use the same category for the entire story.

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Where is Katie's mom? Why isn't Jake fucking Katie's mom? Change the title!

Another little dick author who watches too much porn writing a fantasy story. First off women are not vocal like that. The eyes would widen and she'd get scared. She'd even say that won't fit inside me or you're not hurting me with that. That is where the power of seduction takes over and even if they're scared they will allow you to slowly put it in, but the next day they won't let you touch them because they're sore so after you take them out all you will get is a kiss and maybe a blow job.

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Yeah, you appear to have forgotten the mom. But the stickler to me was the use of adverbs. You said "seductively." Don't do that. It's a shortcut. Describe the action that you consider seductive. Otherwise you are making the reader do your job for you. Sometimes adverbs are okay. Like going to the door "quickly." That kind of thing where we don't need the detail, unless, of course, it's important. But don't use adverbs when description is called for. You can do this. Just pay more attention. Take this seriously and you work will improve.

Let me tell you something. I hate stories with more than one part. t will give every story I read on here with more than one part, I will only give them one star. If the story is too short or too long, I will give them one star.

To Anon "Hey Stupid"

Live4thebj is right. First the story sucked. Second it's described to be the mother is interested in him for this chapter and she isn't even mentioned. Not to mention fucking a girlfriends mom isn't for this category that should fall into Mature section. If the daughter jumps into the mix then those section(s) can return to this category. I agree this was a total fail.

cliche cock

why the hell is every fuckin cock a giant? why does he keep mentioning his giant size over and over again? why are they always 8 inches or more? don't you think the stories would still be good if the guy was normal with 6 inches, or maybe even slightly less than normal with 5 inches? its not the size of the hammer that counts -- it's the skill of the carpenter!!! sorry, this one didn't do it for me (sam)