Debbie and Me

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maybe a bit too tongue in cheek , no ?

At least we didn't have to

go beyond one page to get to the punchline of this joke!

Part of me kinda liked it, in so far as that you tried something, and it mostly worked.

Mostly though, basically, I had to finish this little flash with a groan. I've never heard a knock-knock joke funnier than this story, but even so, I usually groan just in much the same way when I hear one.

Outside the realm of humor, I was distracted by the overriding questions:

Why did he sit down to watch?
Why did he want Jamal to finish?
Why didn't he use the gun on her (you know, in a threatening way, while kicking her whoring cunt out)?
How could he be so anti-cliche in his confrontation with her, when he actually thought he believed that "love" could change the town slut?
How had he convinced himself that there was ever any hint of "love" anywhere possible from her?

Damn, you crafty bastard!
You made me think, and wonder.
Fuck, did this story do its job?
I guess 5 stars says it did.

(but that was more for the possible vision of some Peruvian Pole Vaulter finally getting his chance at his very own LW story someday!)

Next time at open mic night, YOU buy the drinks, and then I'll promise to laugh.

I understand Artistic license

But please note that Glocks don't have a safety.

Thanks for an entertaining, well written story. I like the twist, with her lack of imagination being the cause of their demise.

bit cute but puts the BBC thing in perspective

not really my taste in writing or thinking for that matter but gave it a 4

I found it somewhat funny.

The story itself was sort of amusing....Husband struck me as sort of a Pseudo Cuck(and kind of lame).

It was amusing, but

the wife is out of character, at least a little. After a few days of marriage, she would not be talking to hubby while being screwed by another man unless she was certain that they had an understanding, and it appears that they did not

I see what you tried to do here

It's an amusing flash story, I guess. But it's more of a poke in the eye, Stooges style, than a clever satire.

Damn

Loving wives is getting worse by the day. What the hell was this? Can anybody be that stupid. Oh, I forget it's supposed to be comedy. 1*

Very good...

A very good satire story about men who married whore women...I laugh all the story and the ending was 5 *...Thank you for writing a story so funny, using all the stereotypes of these kind of stories...

My problem with this?

Is that it seemed like an opening paragraph and not a complete story. I have WAY too many questions about the characters. Simply not enough information.

Sorry-

This wasn't funny enough to be satire and not good enough to be anything else.

Negative star?

I've read two short stories today and both pieces of shit

Appreciate the effort, but . . .

Rather predictable and not very witty. Some good lines, granted, but slap-stick sex is just not that entertaining. Suspect you enjoyed writing it, and hopefully that is enough. Glad at least someone had fun with this story.

Funny Start

Liked it somewhat but too short even to be a comedic flash satire.

This was...

USELESS!!! GARBAGE!!! STUPID!!!

I lost more brain cells reading this than all the pot I smoked.

One word

DUMB

All these one page pieces of crap posted today MUST be by the same author.

Plain sorry pieces of unimaginative garbage written by deranged minds.

Aw come on guys...

it was just good clean fun and contains slightly humorous concepts "like one of the Kardashians deciding to sleep with a white guy."

Y'all need to cut old Slapper some slack.

Loved It

Really good. Loved the style, longer please

While the ending was hilarious, the lead up to it was not.

There's no way she would have gotten married and who the fuck has that kind of time to fuck and suck for hours? Really, unless there was something wrong with her mentally, she would have called time out a whole ago.

Didnt like it, didnt get it

Flowed nicely but the improbability of the dialogue kinda threw me...Think you can be a good writer but this one not to my tastes.

Long wind-up, short pitch.

WHY?

Only saving grace (damn small one, too!):
The stereotype was addressed in the text! Nice touch.

3*. (woulda been a 2 without the DSSG.)

Short sweet...

Made me laugh! Thanks!

Steaming pile of shit...

...and so too is the cuckold. It is a well known fact white women prefer Negro men!

AFTER THE BALLS IS OVER

what can/will happen with Deb-ella. TK U MLJ LV NV

funny

Probably should be in humor or satire BC the anon dickwads think they decide where stuff belongs...still,funny as hell,thanks

Safety

There is no safety on a Glock that you slide on or off.

Interesting

thanks for the offering.

Thanks for the short read

I am glad I didn't waste any time on a long story. This was such a piece of crap I can hardly believe anyone actually wrote it.

Comedy is hard

4 stars for effort

I admit I smiled

I probably shouldn't have but I did. Not bad. 4 stars (3 for the work, one more for making me enjoy it more thank should have).

Meh

Am I to infer that he would have shot any of those other stereotypes. Kind of a long bar joke in my opinion.

Nice

Good little flash tale. Anyone who didn't take this tale as it was written must be in the cum-licking cuck department. Continue the good work.

Ha

It was fun!

Now, if it were truly a big black blob from outer space he should have forgiven her for taking advantage of a unique opportunity!

Good Effort

As others have said, comedy is sometimes difficult to get across. I got a laugh out of it. Four stars. Now I haven't read all the comments but a note to you and a note to all authors...GLOCKS DO NOT HAVE AN EXTERNAL SAFETY! The safeties, such as they are, exist internally only and between the persons ears (safe handling). You pull the trigger, it goes bang!

KORREKT ABOUT ZE GLOCK, SEHR GUT. IT GOES BANG !!!

EIN STERN LESS FOR NOT SHOOTING ZE NEGGER AND STICKING ZE HEAD OF ZE WIFE IN ZE GAS FURNACE.

Short and

funny. Good work.

A good comedy.

But such a very short story can only be rated 4 stars.

loved it

didn't mind the cheating aspect, seeing how he did expect it at some time, not that I would condone cheating by either party. I felt the same way the hubby did, in that at least she could have found a burner with a brain, instead of a just a live black dildoe.

5*

Funny one.

Any time

She got what she deserved and the blog left running away.

EVERYBODY IS ENTITLED TO AN OPPORTUNITY

but I wonder who won the poll. TK U MLJ LV NV

Well that was kinda funny

Unfortunately he was dumber than a stump which didn't particularly make for a good story.

1*

wrong category. if this was in humor it would be good.

loved it

Facebookprofile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com
Factual true life cheating slut wife serial cheater
Lost colloge instructor job when she told one too many people she was scerewing students.
3rd husband knows but just whimpers and keeps pressing soild painted to face oooo she cut him off years ago

This Was So Predictable

What entertainment value is a story that is totally predictable from the first paragraph? Better luck next time. I am hoping you can bounce back. My comments on this one story may not sound like it, but I am really rooting for you.