Collette's New Formula

Writing requires a certain amount of technical skill

The grammar and sentence structure are so bad that the story is almost unreadable.

Proof read

Read what you've written before you post it. Check it for mistakes, grammar, etc. Make sure your story is presentable before it goes online. You have the basis for a great story, your mechanics need some help though.

Get some help.

Please, oh please get some help with proofreading and editing.

I might have been a great story.

I recommend that you get an editor to proofread your stories before you publish them. There are just too many spelling and grammar mistakes

The other comments are being too kind

Here's the problem....an example: In her mine she was thinking, "If he only new."

Words like "mind" and "knew" are not hard words. Spelling them correctly should normally be accomplished by middle school. You obviously missed out on a good deal of education...probably mutually masturbating and sucking off a buddy (no gay here, though! ), when you should have been writing an essay for school, or maybe you've had one of those modern 'educations' where they don't even teach spelling any more.

At any rate, your lack of education means you need to give up on writing. Now.

Awful!

Completely devoid of consistent proper spelling and grammatical structure.
So bad that it's offensive. Sorry that Literotica feels compelled to publish the rubbish of "no-talent" authors(?) (tic)!!!!
May we please be given the opportunity vote a score of "0?"

Needs a lot of work....

The basic story idea was fine but it was completely ruined by poor spelling and what can only be best described as non existent grammar. Could have been a much better story with even a small improvement in the grammar. Suggest you keep on thinking up the stories but seek help with their presentation...

Please...

...don't EVER write another word!

pay no attention to the asshole annnony!!!!

Gave you a 5 , good story!!

A good effort

Perhaps Rnglish isn't your first language, and perhaps the rest of the plot might have been lovely, but this was too painful to read past the second or third paragraph. I strongly suggest you find yourself a dictionary and an editor. A few commas here and there would make things flow much more smoothly, if we look past the atrocious grammar.

core concept is good....

But please, for the love of god, find someone to proofread. Someone who is fluent in English, and got more than an F-.

Gave it a 2 for the base, if you find someone to proofread, and re-upload an editted version, I might bump it to a 4.

Amusing

Story was mediocre at best. What is laughable is the saddos that read Literotica stories and comment on the grammar and punctuation as if it mattered.
You just know they are sitting at their kb, dick in hand, and trying to draw it out to the money shot in the story. Almost all of this site is stroke stories. That's why they are here. Literary masterpieces are on a different site. Try jerking off to Shakespeare or Asimov or ee cummings or an Archie comic if that appeals to your mental age.