I enjoyed your story, however not very plausible as I think it is. On the whole I did not notice misspellings except that Lauretta does not have aurelias but aureolae. Before I fell flat on my face I decided to look up the spelling in the dictionary, well 2 actually and the normal spelling is aureole, and aureola is am alternative correct spelling. Neither dictionary gave the plural. Well one is never too old to learn.
Keep writing.
A great beginning and intro to perhaps a series. You have an eroticism I enjoy, mature male looking for a younger female, nudism and an openness.
by
Anonymous11/10/14
Excellent story
This is one of the most sensual stories I have ever read.
I encourage the author to write Take Two! I am looking forward to it.
Thanks for the delight, Joesch
While I liked the premise of the story, where are the details and descriptions?
So far, all we know about Candy is that she is "a good looking girl, about 5'3", 110 lbs" and is 18-years old. The narrator is 43, with an average body, who shaves down below. And mama, Lauretta, is "a good looking woman with a very nice body", has big tits with a slight sag and silver dollar-sized, brown aureolae.
These descriptions are like paint-by-numbers art, with most of the numbers missing. There's a basic outline, but the "colors" are missing and the reader is left to fill in the rest, with no direction as to what goes where.
Lauretta's breast size is given as "36 or 38", which has little to do with the actual size of the breasts. A woman could have a large ribcage, with small breasts and still have a bust measurement of "36 or 38". The real gauge of breast size is the cup size. The average woman is a B-cup. C, D, DD, etc. are larger than average, with DD and above being extremely large. It would have been better if Lauretta was described as having "36- or 38-D" breasts, for instance.
The word "ornery" means "bad-tempered and combative", or "stubborn", which doesn't seem to be what it was intended to represent here. A better choice would have been "risqué", "naughty", or one of their synonyms.
This plot line is interesting, but the body of the story needs a lot of work.
A writer has a choice when they write. They can give lots of descriptive details
about people's looks, like the previous comment suggested that I needed. Or,
they can give just enough basic details, then leave some things vague. By the 2nd method, each reader can fill in their own descriptions of the people according to
what they sexually prefer.
In the world of art, you also have the same choice. You can paint something so detailed that it looks like an actual real picture. Or, you can paint some paintings
to where the basics are there, and the person viewing the artwork fills in their own details. Normally, that style of painting is called Impressionistic painting.
I have done both in my writings. But, I have found when I detail too much on people descriptions, I get criticized because those details that I gave did not turn on a particular person.
In my stories, I find it is best to deliberately leave out such details, so that each reader can take the basic descriptions and get turned on by their own people descriptions. I have found that that works best because I can appeal to more
readers by that process.
I focus on the personalities, and the unfolding of the sexual events, rather than descriptions of people.
by
Anonymous04/11/15
Can't wait to read more of this story
maybe the mom will start adding others to make up a small nudist group
English
loved it ,hope your working on the next one . i cant wait
Great start
Looking forward to the rest of the story.
next part
Next part is already submitted and waiting on literotica approval
Good tease
Very good intro, looking forward to the next part.
spelling
I enjoyed your story, however not very plausible as I think it is. On the whole I did not notice misspellings except that Lauretta does not have aurelias but aureolae. Before I fell flat on my face I decided to look up the spelling in the dictionary, well 2 actually and the normal spelling is aureole, and aureola is am alternative correct spelling. Neither dictionary gave the plural. Well one is never too old to learn.
Keep writing.
Good Writing
A great beginning and intro to perhaps a series. You have an eroticism I enjoy, mature male looking for a younger female, nudism and an openness.
Excellent story
This is one of the most sensual stories I have ever read.
I encourage the author to write Take Two! I am looking forward to it.
Thanks for the delight, Joesch
Approve
On to the second, getting interesting.. Hot.. my fav is still the power outage...
Kind of formal
Stilted language and rather formally stated. The subject and context are fine, but they're both obviously fantasized. There is nothing genuine here.
The devil is in the details
While I liked the premise of the story, where are the details and descriptions?
So far, all we know about Candy is that she is "a good looking girl, about 5'3", 110 lbs" and is 18-years old. The narrator is 43, with an average body, who shaves down below. And mama, Lauretta, is "a good looking woman with a very nice body", has big tits with a slight sag and silver dollar-sized, brown aureolae.
These descriptions are like paint-by-numbers art, with most of the numbers missing. There's a basic outline, but the "colors" are missing and the reader is left to fill in the rest, with no direction as to what goes where.
Lauretta's breast size is given as "36 or 38", which has little to do with the actual size of the breasts. A woman could have a large ribcage, with small breasts and still have a bust measurement of "36 or 38". The real gauge of breast size is the cup size. The average woman is a B-cup. C, D, DD, etc. are larger than average, with DD and above being extremely large. It would have been better if Lauretta was described as having "36- or 38-D" breasts, for instance.
The word "ornery" means "bad-tempered and combative", or "stubborn", which doesn't seem to be what it was intended to represent here. A better choice would have been "risqué", "naughty", or one of their synonyms.
This plot line is interesting, but the body of the story needs a lot of work.
In reference to the last comment
A writer has a choice when they write. They can give lots of descriptive details
about people's looks, like the previous comment suggested that I needed. Or,
they can give just enough basic details, then leave some things vague. By the 2nd method, each reader can fill in their own descriptions of the people according to
what they sexually prefer.
In the world of art, you also have the same choice. You can paint something so detailed that it looks like an actual real picture. Or, you can paint some paintings
to where the basics are there, and the person viewing the artwork fills in their own details. Normally, that style of painting is called Impressionistic painting.
I have done both in my writings. But, I have found when I detail too much on people descriptions, I get criticized because those details that I gave did not turn on a particular person.
In my stories, I find it is best to deliberately leave out such details, so that each reader can take the basic descriptions and get turned on by their own people descriptions. I have found that that works best because I can appeal to more
readers by that process.
I focus on the personalities, and the unfolding of the sexual events, rather than descriptions of people.
Can't wait to read more of this story
maybe the mom will start adding others to make up a small nudist group
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