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English
MMMM
In my case it was an american guy my hubby was doing business with. He was well hung and after we had been out to dinner with him and had a few drinks he told my husband he wanted to have me. and hubby said ok but you need to wear a condom. The Guy smile and said ok and when my husband gave hom the condom asked for some baby oil and oiled his big dick well before putting it on and the oiled it again to make it slide in easier, and then he fucked me hard and fast. Hubby sat and watch as we orgasmed together. After he pulled out, the end of the condom was in tatters as the oil had made the latex weak. Hubby got the contract and a bonus from his company. an I? I have a 4 year old coloured daughter. and a yearning for that big guys black cock. But he has never been back over here. He sure knew what he was doing with the Baby oil.
ABOUT @...
3 * because she talked with husband and he agree...But the story is about a wife boasting about how good she is having sex...Of course this happens in a world without STD...About @sue43mom, that was a different case...Her husband used her as a whore to have a contract signed...And he had his reward: a black baby to create and remember him all his life of his mistake...
A sex scene
This was a well-written description of a sex scene, but lacking any context, that's all it was. We know nothing about the characters in this story. Who are they? Have they all done this before? Is the doctor aware that he's having sex with a married woman? Does he care? What happened afterward? What was the husband thinking while this was happening?
Too many unanswered questions, IMHO. But as I mentioned, it was well-written, and not bad for a first effort. Keep at it, but flesh out the story a little more next time.
NICE FIRST TRY
Since I appreciated the help others gave me on my first stories, I'm going to add a comment or so. I hope they help, they WILL be worth at least what they cost you.
#1 You have a lot of run on sentences. Read your story aloud, if you have no one to read it to you. When the words don't roll easily from your mouth, they won't from your reader's mind either. You don't want him to have to stop and backup to get the meaning. That pulls your reader out of the story and that's not good. For a beginner, I think short choppy sentences are better than long run-on ones. Of course just right sentences that grab the reader and won't let him put the story down is best of all.
#2 Watch tense. You did a pretty good job, but there were a few slips. (NOTE! I might be full of s***t on this one. Reading through I was sure I spotted a few, but when I went back to give you an example, I couldn't find a one. I'm going to leave the comment here because it's a common mistake and worth being reminded.)
Good Luck! You have talent and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Good Story. But needs some context and dialog!!
NIce first story. The most important is that you have some fun experiences to share, and that is good!. Your gnere is going to get some push-back, but ignore that and try to have fun. It would be nice to know more about you, the husband, the hospital, before diving in. And, there are lots and lots and lots of "I" sentences. Some dialog lets us get to know the characters, and draws us in.
Knowing what it's like
Girlfriend great story. I just wish you have more details. Look forward to reading many more of your adventures.
Oh, I know what it's like because I too have had many such adventures.
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