I tend to comment on nonhuman stories quite a bit so i have an idea of what you're writing. The only hiccup i see in this story is the girth of the cocks; 4.5 inches wide?! A tad much, especially when you're talking about a reptile. I would make comments about the length but 9 inches is fair enough.
by
Anonymous11/16/14
Good start but...
...it was a little jarring to me when you switched POV within the same paragraph. What I mean is under the heading of "Nagaa" you start writing from his POV which was fine. Then a few sentences later you write using "I" which seems to be Elva. Then it changes to third person again. It made it hard for me to get lost in an otherwise engaging story.
I hope you'll continue this because a Naga is a really unique creature and mostly all the non human stories I read here are vampires or aliens. It's nice to see something different. :-)
How does she know what colour his cum is, when he took her underground and it was supposed to be pitch black and she could only hear dripping water somewhere?
Look forward to next installment.
English
Nice work.
I tend to comment on nonhuman stories quite a bit so i have an idea of what you're writing. The only hiccup i see in this story is the girth of the cocks; 4.5 inches wide?! A tad much, especially when you're talking about a reptile. I would make comments about the length but 9 inches is fair enough.
Good start but...
...it was a little jarring to me when you switched POV within the same paragraph. What I mean is under the heading of "Nagaa" you start writing from his POV which was fine. Then a few sentences later you write using "I" which seems to be Elva. Then it changes to third person again. It made it hard for me to get lost in an otherwise engaging story.
I hope you'll continue this because a Naga is a really unique creature and mostly all the non human stories I read here are vampires or aliens. It's nice to see something different. :-)
curious
How does she know what colour his cum is, when he took her underground and it was supposed to be pitch black and she could only hear dripping water somewhere?
Look forward to next installment.
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