Your stories are good but you need to make the chapters longer
by
Anonymous11/19/14
More fighting than decent sex
Chapters too short and story seems to be all over the place. I don't mind the main character being omnipotent but whipping out papers proving embezzlement by the principal was a little much. You need to focus more on the setup and go into details rather than all of a sudden have John fucking his mom and getting blown by Cindy all in the matter of 5 or 6 paragraphs. I love the topic and your writing seems good just more details and longer chapters would make it even better. Thanks for the posts.....
This is a great story with a lot of potential. I like how instead of making the son a wimp you have him as someone who is stronger. Also he fucks his mom!! A +.
Some advice. If you want.
More details. Example the gangbang scene could have been more detailed.
And second, have a twist where the son starts controling the mom and getting revenge on the bullies.
Also only the mom as the star actress and only female..
When Cindy was giving you a blow job you wrote, "before I can object she has her dick and my mouth". Please read your story over a few times for grammar, spelling and the obvious, wording. Just as a suggestion, you may want to have another author review your story first before publishing. I like how the story is progressing. Keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous11/19/14
supple is his middle name
Hmm!!!!With that she drops to her knees and before I can object she has her dick in my mouth. Now, I haven't had many blowjobs but this one was the best so far.
..,,,.....I bet yea I know he will have a VERY big dick.
Sounds like Dickens, doesn't it? I would like to hear more of this story. I am a practitioner of Tai Kwon Do, and I seem to feel a kindred spirit, although I have never had the situation where I was forced to use it.
by
Anonymous11/19/14
yes, it is a good story, with lots of potential for development
Sadly, though it turns out that according to the bio the author is a sexless, ageless person inhabiting no known place in the universe. So I don't know whether to congratulate him, her, or it. Let me take a wild guess and assume "a fighter" is a male. I don't care much for his hero Johnny getting a blowjob from this Cindy girl. Johnny actually is a hero, and he's gotten a hero's reward--the same cunt he came out of. No way can his mother do without her boy's big hard cock in the future.That should keep Johnny for a while.
Bust up more bullies! I love it! Make them into pretzels! Twist them until every bone breaks! Remove jawbones, kneecaps and butt craps! Pull off eyebrows, shave off beards and choke on pubi hair!
by
Anonymous11/20/14
Laughing all the way
This is more like a comedy/fighting manual. Love it anyway.
by
Anonymous11/21/14
keep going
I'm quite enjoying this. I just wish they were longer. They're a wonderful read though.
by
Anonymous11/22/14
Bully+mom
I'm really hoping for more bully+mom humiliation. The first story was really hot even though you didn't go into much detail about the sex.I would of loved it if john would of watched his mother get gang banged and secretly enjoy it, Then go kick their asses.
by
Anonymous11/22/14
seriously
You've watched Robert Downy Jr in Sherlock Holmes movies way too many times lol. Also less fag fighting and more mom fucking would improve the story immensely. Seems to be a good plot just needs more loving thy mother, take your time with her she'll love you more for it.
by
Anonymous11/22/14
Oh please.
I like this story, both chapters were quite good, but i have one thing to ask of you. P,ease oh please keep the main character dominant. It might be just me, and it might be stupid of me to ask this on this kind of story, but i hate stories where the main character is humiliated or cuckolded.
It's your story, so do what you want, but that's my preference.
I'd much rather have a story where the MC dominates those around him (sexually and physically) than one where his mother gets fucked in front of him etc...
English
Needs to be longer
Your stories are good but you need to make the chapters longer
More fighting than decent sex
Chapters too short and story seems to be all over the place. I don't mind the main character being omnipotent but whipping out papers proving embezzlement by the principal was a little much. You need to focus more on the setup and go into details rather than all of a sudden have John fucking his mom and getting blown by Cindy all in the matter of 5 or 6 paragraphs. I love the topic and your writing seems good just more details and longer chapters would make it even better. Thanks for the posts.....
Nice.
I have to admit. I like this so far. I have a feeling this story is going into another group in the next chapter or so.
aww come on now?
i'm a bookworm and the chapters are way to SHORT,longer please ,sorry to shout! John will be knackered by the end of the week! all that sex
great story
keep writing this one chapters could be longer but not just to add words
Good Story
This is a great story with a lot of potential. I like how instead of making the son a wimp you have him as someone who is stronger. Also he fucks his mom!! A +.
Some advice. If you want.
More details. Example the gangbang scene could have been more detailed.
And second, have a twist where the son starts controling the mom and getting revenge on the bullies.
Also only the mom as the star actress and only female..
Read your story over and over
When Cindy was giving you a blow job you wrote, "before I can object she has her dick and my mouth". Please read your story over a few times for grammar, spelling and the obvious, wording. Just as a suggestion, you may want to have another author review your story first before publishing. I like how the story is progressing. Keep up the good work.
supple is his middle name
Hmm!!!!With that she drops to her knees and before I can object she has her dick in my mouth. Now, I haven't had many blowjobs but this one was the best so far.
..,,,.....I bet yea I know he will have a VERY big dick.
Could I have more please?
Sounds like Dickens, doesn't it? I would like to hear more of this story. I am a practitioner of Tai Kwon Do, and I seem to feel a kindred spirit, although I have never had the situation where I was forced to use it.
yes, it is a good story, with lots of potential for development
Sadly, though it turns out that according to the bio the author is a sexless, ageless person inhabiting no known place in the universe. So I don't know whether to congratulate him, her, or it. Let me take a wild guess and assume "a fighter" is a male. I don't care much for his hero Johnny getting a blowjob from this Cindy girl. Johnny actually is a hero, and he's gotten a hero's reward--the same cunt he came out of. No way can his mother do without her boy's big hard cock in the future.That should keep Johnny for a while.
Sex And Ass Kicking***
What a story. Thanks for sharing.
Killer story!
Bust up more bullies! I love it! Make them into pretzels! Twist them until every bone breaks! Remove jawbones, kneecaps and butt craps! Pull off eyebrows, shave off beards and choke on pubi hair!
Laughing all the way
This is more like a comedy/fighting manual. Love it anyway.
keep going
I'm quite enjoying this. I just wish they were longer. They're a wonderful read though.
Bully+mom
I'm really hoping for more bully+mom humiliation. The first story was really hot even though you didn't go into much detail about the sex.I would of loved it if john would of watched his mother get gang banged and secretly enjoy it, Then go kick their asses.
seriously
You've watched Robert Downy Jr in Sherlock Holmes movies way too many times lol. Also less fag fighting and more mom fucking would improve the story immensely. Seems to be a good plot just needs more loving thy mother, take your time with her she'll love you more for it.
Oh please.
I like this story, both chapters were quite good, but i have one thing to ask of you. P,ease oh please keep the main character dominant. It might be just me, and it might be stupid of me to ask this on this kind of story, but i hate stories where the main character is humiliated or cuckolded.
It's your story, so do what you want, but that's my preference.
I'd much rather have a story where the MC dominates those around him (sexually and physically) than one where his mother gets fucked in front of him etc...
i like it
gj
Loving this!!
Great Story!!! Do not listen to anon's cuz this is a good story! Waiting for next!!
typo
When cindy was going to blow John, you wrote "she has her dick in my mouth" that's a pretty big plot twist
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