- All
Comments (5) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
A deserted train...
A not well writen story in a deserted train...
stupid
Stupid stupid.
NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY
I always try to offer constructive criticism to new writers. It was less than a year ago I submitted my first story and the comments I received from many readers helped greatly. Enough, in fact, for me to publish three books on Kindle that sell fairly consistently. Therefore, I like to help if I can.
First I looked up your bio and found this to be your second story, so for a new writer it isn't awful. Your idea of man wants to see stranger fuck wife is a popular plot, so you must put some special twist on it that is unique to you.
Secondly, you need to make your story believable. Nobody, but nobody, is going to do what you described on a public train right in front of God and everybody, and if by some miracle the Rev. Billy Graham was to see such a thing happen and told somebody, he'd be called the world's biggest liar. Remember, truth may be stranger than fiction, but fiction is often a lot easier to believe.
Also consider length of story. It's pretty hard for a beginner to write tight enough to do a good job on one page. (Don't take this as a suggestion to ramble on for thirteen pages either.)
GOOD LUCK AND KEEP WRITING.
Take your time
You rushed a story that should have the hot wife reluctant, then give in to the stud stranger. Next time take her to Adult Book Store glory hole booth. Watch as strangers get sucked, her swallowing load, strangers fucking and breeding her, at the hole and invited into the booth. Her cuckold cleaning up each load and cleaning cocks as well.
Stupid
Could have been a good story but you made it so unbelievable, piss poor,,,,,
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Erotic Train Ride or
More submissions by Brucebnoty.