The Rose Garden

Second Person

Zero. Like scraping your nails across a blackboard.

We are not in your story. You are not addressing us so change tense please.

Some deficiencies...

This story has some deficiencies...And I don't talk about the second person, that makes all more difficult to understand...I talk about what happened to the other husband? I don't believe he gone away...

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2*s

Too bad. For once writing failure gets in the way of a stroke story. 2*s
Not a


AMerryMan

I liked it

Well, I am going to agree with the comments about 2nd person. I do think it made it harder to read and I got lost on who was who early on. But I loved the gist of the story. Hot stuff. I'd keep at it and not let the detractors depress you.

Thanks for taking the time to write a story to share!

please explain why is speaking here

The entire first part of the story is told by the wife, describing her experiences. Then suddenly we read:

"At that point, you heard the front door open. You managed to quickly rearrange your clothes before I came out to the deck looking for you. "There you are!" I said. "You're looking quite relaxed. Have you had a nice time?"

"Yes, but I've been looking forward to you coming home!" you replied while reaching up to kiss me. "Feel me" you said taking my hand and placing it between your legs."

from there on it just keeps getting worse. Having to stop, go back, read again, and try to figure out who is saying what, and to whom, takes the reader completely out of the story.