you have a major problem in sentence construction and the use of words. "Silently, without words, because we were too busy kissing, my son transport in his arms like a baby to the bathroom." What the hell? To start with, silently means without words, so why say it twice? What did he "transport"? Did he carry you in his arms like a baby? You've got the basic makings of a good story, you need someone to proofread it and edit it.
7
It was ok but could be better. First, does the son have a name? Second, physical descriptions of both would be good, too.
by
Anonymous11/13/14
A Good Effort...
... but not up to the usual standards those of us who've been reading this site for a few years have come to expect from an Oediplex tale, and riddled with errors that any competent editor could have assisted in fixing.
In any good, memorable story, the characters have names, and those are lacking in this tale. She is "Mom", and he is simply referred to as "my son". Certainly, in the heat of passion, she would call out his name as her orgasm begins, but not in this story. Alas, the son is nameless.
Another staple of a good story is dialogue. Characters speak to one another, and (when the story is narrated by one of the characters) the only gauge we have to what the other is thinking or feeling lies in what he or she says - the words used, the tone of voice, and the manner in which the words are spoken (playfully, fervently, heatedly, groaned, moaned... you get the picture.). Too, the tone of voice - and the words used - in dialogue can also be selected to help increase the reader's arousal. That really can't happen effectively when 98% of the other person's words are recounted second-hand in the manner present in this story.
I'm hoping that "Oeddie" will get back into the swing of things - more like his earlier submissions - with his next offering.
by
Anonymous11/13/14
when is the baby due ?
you know its the NEXT right thing to do. 5
stay away from the anal please... nasty stuff...moms pussy is the best, not her ass.
This was the very first story I posted on the Web, it was taken form source material that was twenty years old and 'fluffed'. I usually don't put anal in. Mr. Anon - you willing to do the editing? You boys will like the next one or my name's not George. My editor at the publishing firm that is printing my book this spring says I over punctuate. Listen gentlemen if you want great literature of motherfucking this ain't the place, and I don't know if there is any, not as graphic anyway. Most everybody is an amateur or they would be writing romance novel for the ladies where the real money is nowadays. - Hey personally I do try to review, but yeah I'll miss things. After 10 1/2 million hits the last round, the re-postings are simply a way for my OediPals to get the material free instead of buying my books. I recommend the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" (not my work - a serious sociological study) for insight to the world of Literotica. Boys who want to knock up their mom's probably haven't changed three years of diapers per child (several thousand) and had to feed the kids. Momma's been there done that with you, screwing is fine but she doesn't want any more infants you fools - that's your uninformed fantasy. Listen, thanks for the compliments, on the other hand if you don't like my writing don't read it. I was poor in spelling and grammar and still am. I'm crippled in my right arm and hand for over 20 years now and I was right-handed to begin with. i have to forge my own signature! So my typing is quite slow, yet I have produced over 1200 pages of this schlock. There is only one way to judge the stuff - did you cum?
by
Anonymous11/14/14
come on, guys, let's cool it
Mr. O is one of the top writers on motherfucking we have, and this story is a good example why. He's also extremely generous, his list of Favorites is the best on the net. Personally, I'd have preferred it if the boy had a name, it helps to personalize the young motherfucker. Still, that's a minor point. This 18 year old is wise beyond his years. He senses an "emptiness" in his mom--it's the emptiness between his mother's legs, and he's just the guy to fix that little problem. The boy's got the solution right there, between his own legs. And mom really likes that idea. When her son hauls out his cock, mom is wild with joy. It's a big fat mommy-pleaser, that's for damn sure. Mom's joy hits the stratosphere when her son takes that big hard cock of his and just shoves it up the same cunt he came out of, up to his balls. Junior fucks his mother, boy does he fuck her, it's the best fuck of her life by far, of his life too. He ends up unloading his hot young balls and splattering his semen all over the pink walls of his own mother's twat. They're both in firm agreement, that's exactly where her son's semen belongs. A boy's penis and his mother's vagina--made for each other.
by
Anonymous11/14/14
owning mom and she loves it
people need to remember this is fantasy. typos and other silly shit who cares? I commend your writing talent, I like the way he fucked his mom hard like a good son should.
English
learn to write
you have a major problem in sentence construction and the use of words. "Silently, without words, because we were too busy kissing, my son transport in his arms like a baby to the bathroom." What the hell? To start with, silently means without words, so why say it twice? What did he "transport"? Did he carry you in his arms like a baby? You've got the basic makings of a good story, you need someone to proofread it and edit it.
7
It was ok but could be better. First, does the son have a name? Second, physical descriptions of both would be good, too.
A Good Effort...
... but not up to the usual standards those of us who've been reading this site for a few years have come to expect from an Oediplex tale, and riddled with errors that any competent editor could have assisted in fixing.
In any good, memorable story, the characters have names, and those are lacking in this tale. She is "Mom", and he is simply referred to as "my son". Certainly, in the heat of passion, she would call out his name as her orgasm begins, but not in this story. Alas, the son is nameless.
Another staple of a good story is dialogue. Characters speak to one another, and (when the story is narrated by one of the characters) the only gauge we have to what the other is thinking or feeling lies in what he or she says - the words used, the tone of voice, and the manner in which the words are spoken (playfully, fervently, heatedly, groaned, moaned... you get the picture.). Too, the tone of voice - and the words used - in dialogue can also be selected to help increase the reader's arousal. That really can't happen effectively when 98% of the other person's words are recounted second-hand in the manner present in this story.
I'm hoping that "Oeddie" will get back into the swing of things - more like his earlier submissions - with his next offering.
when is the baby due ?
you know its the NEXT right thing to do. 5
stay away from the anal please... nasty stuff...moms pussy is the best, not her ass.
Wow!
The comment(s) by "Anon" sounded like he thinks of himself as an expert on writing.
I'll be willing to wager that he is incapable of writing himself.
As to the typos, I can only assume you submitted this piece in haste before properly editing it.
As usual, your writing style and skill kept me reading through to the end.
I don't just need an editor, i need a redactor!
This was the very first story I posted on the Web, it was taken form source material that was twenty years old and 'fluffed'. I usually don't put anal in. Mr. Anon - you willing to do the editing? You boys will like the next one or my name's not George. My editor at the publishing firm that is printing my book this spring says I over punctuate. Listen gentlemen if you want great literature of motherfucking this ain't the place, and I don't know if there is any, not as graphic anyway. Most everybody is an amateur or they would be writing romance novel for the ladies where the real money is nowadays. - Hey personally I do try to review, but yeah I'll miss things. After 10 1/2 million hits the last round, the re-postings are simply a way for my OediPals to get the material free instead of buying my books. I recommend the book "A Billion Wicked Thoughts" (not my work - a serious sociological study) for insight to the world of Literotica. Boys who want to knock up their mom's probably haven't changed three years of diapers per child (several thousand) and had to feed the kids. Momma's been there done that with you, screwing is fine but she doesn't want any more infants you fools - that's your uninformed fantasy. Listen, thanks for the compliments, on the other hand if you don't like my writing don't read it. I was poor in spelling and grammar and still am. I'm crippled in my right arm and hand for over 20 years now and I was right-handed to begin with. i have to forge my own signature! So my typing is quite slow, yet I have produced over 1200 pages of this schlock. There is only one way to judge the stuff - did you cum?
come on, guys, let's cool it
Mr. O is one of the top writers on motherfucking we have, and this story is a good example why. He's also extremely generous, his list of Favorites is the best on the net. Personally, I'd have preferred it if the boy had a name, it helps to personalize the young motherfucker. Still, that's a minor point. This 18 year old is wise beyond his years. He senses an "emptiness" in his mom--it's the emptiness between his mother's legs, and he's just the guy to fix that little problem. The boy's got the solution right there, between his own legs. And mom really likes that idea. When her son hauls out his cock, mom is wild with joy. It's a big fat mommy-pleaser, that's for damn sure. Mom's joy hits the stratosphere when her son takes that big hard cock of his and just shoves it up the same cunt he came out of, up to his balls. Junior fucks his mother, boy does he fuck her, it's the best fuck of her life by far, of his life too. He ends up unloading his hot young balls and splattering his semen all over the pink walls of his own mother's twat. They're both in firm agreement, that's exactly where her son's semen belongs. A boy's penis and his mother's vagina--made for each other.
owning mom and she loves it
people need to remember this is fantasy. typos and other silly shit who cares? I commend your writing talent, I like the way he fucked his mom hard like a good son should.
not one of your better stories
a tad too mechanical.
Good short story
More moms should should help sons out. the few that do realize tremendous benefits.
wooooow !
brilliant plot damn hot - hot sex - nice characters - nicely written.
thanks :)
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