What I don't like is that the werewolf girls come across as such weaklings, immediately submitting to the big, badass, dominant males, being the ones that are kept in the dark about everything, unlike the males.
After all in real wolves the females are only slightly smaller and not less determined than the males. I don't want to read about incompetent weakling females.
Why is it the females are expected to stay faithful but the males threathen to screw around? Then have the nerve to get angry when the female ask can they do the same. He need to give her some time since she has to catch up with what everyone else already knew.
You do have a promising start to your story. I also, don't appreciate weak female weres. However, I'm willing to see where you take this. You do need to slow the pace down a little and putting in more details would help. Ignore the snarky comments, if just about the characters and offer no helpful advice, write your story and go from there.
by
Anonymous11/15/14
I like what you've written and hope you post again soon.
Thank you all for reading! Those of you with a problem with weak werewolves or just weak females in general, I hope you stick around to read more. You're right, Clara is a weak character, but don't give up on her just yet! Every plot needs a little inner turmoil and character growth. Grayson haters, I hope you will feel better about him soon. Part two is pending and should be up soon! Thanks again!
...how really good this is. I've just started reading and I'm already a fan. I was a little shocked at some of the comments. Clara coming off as weak and Grayson's personality quirks are the best part--it leaves room for dynamic characters. Holy shit, I really hope the rest is just as good...
by
Anonymous01/18/15
Mine!
Planned matings are a lousy way to start a story. Especially, if the female lead turns into a slut as soon as a male breathes into ear! At least let her have enough strength of character to refuse the mating until she makes her own choice! If you don't, then change the category to nonconsent/reluctance where it belongs!
Plus the whole planning of who marries who, especially since the males know but the females don't seems weird.
I mean what if she tells her sister that she will be mated to Aspen? Is this against the rules somehow? If not, why didn't Aspen tell her that he was to be mated to her sister? And if so, how to they enforce this?
Why would her parents wait until the day before the ceremony to tell her who she is to be mated with? Again it just feels weird and archaic.
It is very well written. I'm just not into the "rules" you've setup in your story.
Thanks for posting!
by
Anonymous02/01/15
To Mine:
You must eat "lemons" nonstop you are always sour with nothing constructive to say.
I and others like the story.
by
Anonymous03/02/15
Give the kid a break.
Clara just turned 18 and is being forced to marry a 22 year old, so the kid is allowed to freak out for a bit. She did say in a room full of leaders that she had expected something else, and she did snark about her sleeping around, so the girl has potential.
English
Mmh, mixed bag
What I don't like is that the werewolf girls come across as such weaklings, immediately submitting to the big, badass, dominant males, being the ones that are kept in the dark about everything, unlike the males.
After all in real wolves the females are only slightly smaller and not less determined than the males. I don't want to read about incompetent weakling females.
I like it
Forget what anon has said below...... good start. ..I am waiting for chapter 2
yeah ..NO
If he won't be faithful...forget him. It's his mate or nothing. If he can't get that, he doesn't deserve her.
Why is it the females are expected to stay faithful but the males threathen to screw around? Then have the nerve to get angry when the female ask can they do the same. He need to give her some time since she has to catch up with what everyone else already knew.
Wow, did you start out creating controversy! LOL
You do have a promising start to your story. I also, don't appreciate weak female weres. However, I'm willing to see where you take this. You do need to slow the pace down a little and putting in more details would help. Ignore the snarky comments, if just about the characters and offer no helpful advice, write your story and go from there.
I like what you've written and hope you post again soon.
please keep it going, great start!
Thank you so much for all the feedback!
Thank you all for reading! Those of you with a problem with weak werewolves or just weak females in general, I hope you stick around to read more. You're right, Clara is a weak character, but don't give up on her just yet! Every plot needs a little inner turmoil and character growth. Grayson haters, I hope you will feel better about him soon. Part two is pending and should be up soon! Thanks again!
Great start!
Can't wait for the next chapter.
WOW!!!!
I really can't wait for the next chapter. Great start I'm hooked...
Really enjoyed it
Looking forward to the next chapter. Grayson sounds utterly irresistible cannot wait for them to mate...
I don't like the forced pairing.i prefer the pull of the mates,to me that shows more natures call then the old do as I say bullshit.
Great Story
I'm really looking forward to more. I don't feel she's weak, she just turned 18 and was given shocking news. Keep them coming please :)
no
I need more.
MORE!!
Please write more soon!! This is shaping up to be an amazing story and I can't stand waiting to read more.
I'm astounded...
...how really good this is. I've just started reading and I'm already a fan. I was a little shocked at some of the comments. Clara coming off as weak and Grayson's personality quirks are the best part--it leaves room for dynamic characters. Holy shit, I really hope the rest is just as good...
Mine!
Planned matings are a lousy way to start a story. Especially, if the female lead turns into a slut as soon as a male breathes into ear! At least let her have enough strength of character to refuse the mating until she makes her own choice! If you don't, then change the category to nonconsent/reluctance where it belongs!
Never like planned matings...
It takes a lot of the passion out of the mix.
Plus the whole planning of who marries who, especially since the males know but the females don't seems weird.
I mean what if she tells her sister that she will be mated to Aspen? Is this against the rules somehow? If not, why didn't Aspen tell her that he was to be mated to her sister? And if so, how to they enforce this?
Why would her parents wait until the day before the ceremony to tell her who she is to be mated with? Again it just feels weird and archaic.
It is very well written. I'm just not into the "rules" you've setup in your story.
Thanks for posting!
To Mine:
You must eat "lemons" nonstop you are always sour with nothing constructive to say.
I and others like the story.
Give the kid a break.
Clara just turned 18 and is being forced to marry a 22 year old, so the kid is allowed to freak out for a bit. She did say in a room full of leaders that she had expected something else, and she did snark about her sleeping around, so the girl has potential.
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