... a lot of work! I stopped reading after about 5 paragraphs. See previous comment.
by
Anonymous11/18/14
Please do NOT MIX tenses!
It is irritating and makes is hard to understand the story line.
by
Anonymous11/19/14
grammer
You really need to work on sentence structure. And you jump to much between scenes with out any lead in. Remember, we, you readers, cannot read what you have in your head. Keep your readers in the loop of your thinking. But don't over do the scene descriptions. Plus spell check, spell check, spell check.
by
Anonymous11/21/14
Good Start
I think this was a good read, even if all the grammar police say it wasn't. Waiting anxiously for pt 2
English
Edit edit
Redo this, check for spelling errors. Have someone proof read it to. It's a rough draft to say nicely.
Needs work ...
... a lot of work! I stopped reading after about 5 paragraphs. See previous comment.
Please do NOT MIX tenses!
It is irritating and makes is hard to understand the story line.
grammer
You really need to work on sentence structure. And you jump to much between scenes with out any lead in. Remember, we, you readers, cannot read what you have in your head. Keep your readers in the loop of your thinking. But don't over do the scene descriptions. Plus spell check, spell check, spell check.
Good Start
I think this was a good read, even if all the grammar police say it wasn't. Waiting anxiously for pt 2
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