This is an excellent story line and leaves room for several more chapters. Hope you continue.
One note of constructive criticism: you need to make use of a good editor who can clean up the punctuation errors and typos (i.e. "pubic hair" became "public hair", etc.)
That said, please continue to write; you are too good to stop now. And if my comment angers you, please delete it. I just want to help.
by
Anonymous11/22/14
Soooo hot!
Please continue
by
Anonymous11/23/14
Hot read!
Aside from some benign grammar issues that can be cleaned up ("loose/lose") this is a hot story. Thank you so much. Some of the description is electric (e.g., " His eyes were glazed but glowing hot like two pieces of coals just tossed into a raging inferno"). You are highly gifted, and your words reach a level of eroticism that is absent in most stories on this site. Five stars.
English
Lust filled intensity...
Great stuff! Please write more!
this is incredible. I hope you continue with this story
Great Story
This is an excellent story line and leaves room for several more chapters. Hope you continue.
One note of constructive criticism: you need to make use of a good editor who can clean up the punctuation errors and typos (i.e. "pubic hair" became "public hair", etc.)
That said, please continue to write; you are too good to stop now. And if my comment angers you, please delete it. I just want to help.
Soooo hot!
Please continue
Hot read!
Aside from some benign grammar issues that can be cleaned up ("loose/lose") this is a hot story. Thank you so much. Some of the description is electric (e.g., " His eyes were glazed but glowing hot like two pieces of coals just tossed into a raging inferno"). You are highly gifted, and your words reach a level of eroticism that is absent in most stories on this site. Five stars.
Awesome!! MORE PLEASE!
More chapters please!!!!
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