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English
Got Chapter 2 handy?
A careful reread would have found the word quite instead of quiet.
Next to last paragraph....small s/b smile.
Good luck ! Don
Meh!
That's about it.
mom is a whore cheating on your dad, or at least the man who raised you.
And you just play with yourself and go back to bed? You understand that is retarded right.
Thank you
I thank you all. Both good and bad feed back will help me do a better job. I will work carefully at producing better quality. I will make a chapter 2, give me a few days to work on it.
Yes mom, we have a problem
and it is not the neighbour.
PRETTY GOOD!
I see Mature has readers who judge stories on the basis of whether or not they agree with the storyline, instead of the quality of writing. Loving Wives is the original home of these types. I suppose both are legit but unless the commenter specifies his bitch is with the writing it's not much help to us writers.
I gave you a four. The story is a fairly new twist on the cheating angle and to be truthful, I can only see chapter two including incest, which would qualify it for Taboo. If you submit there, you will find a much more helpful class of readers who comment.
As for the writing side of the house, you didn't do bad, but you really need to proofread more. I find it helpful to read my last proof aloud. This will spot many awkward words you will otherwise miss.
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