I had mixed opinions about this story.
The sex was fairly basic, and I thought it might be better with a professional. There is no way vaginal intercourse would happen without a latex condom. She would want to protect herself and her livelihood, and he should want to protect himself before playing with a high risk partner. Of course, they may have used a condom and it was just not mentioned.
This is interracial sex, and that category might get a better reception.
The description of the wife reminds me of my ex-wife, with the exception that my ex-wife enjoyed sex and was still somewhat physically attractive. She played her own version of "Make Jeff wrong". She has not been a very good ex, but being an ex is much better for me than still being married. Perhaps Jeff should consider a more permanent solution also. Starting the separation with adultery does not play well in court, but he probably finds it emotionally satisfying.
by
Anonymous11/26/14
Good short story
Quite a few white guys have come to the same conclusion. The right Asian woman can change ones life for the better.
by
Anonymous11/26/14
Please!
You need to get an editor. "A small client?" Do you mean the client was tiny or short?
A "Sole" is on the bottom of a shoe or swimming in the ocean. The word you want is "Soul."
"Exacerbated" should be "Exasperated!" Come ON!
Numbers lower than ten should be written out, i.e. "Five minutes."
Mentioning dick size down to the half inch is very poor form. I makes me picture this character standing there with a measuring tape.
There are no dashes between the words, "Then and there."
I can't go into all the typos ("bug tits") and punctuation errors. I guess the people who like this just want to get off, but all these errors really take me out of the story.
This story just begs for a second chapter. I would suggest his returning to Pahrump "to service a client" two or three times and encountering Si Fah again, preferably "off duty." She could either set him up with a sister or a cousin, or she could say she wants to get out of the life and make him happy (without mentioning marriage). He then finds a good lawyer and dumps the fat white bitch (I'd suggest having her assault him -- cut him with a knife or shoot at him and miss -- and then get arrested, tried, and sent up the river; it would give him grounds for a divorce where he did not get skinned), and moves in his new Asian lover that he later marries. A happy ending with loads of sex.
I look forward to seeing it. Get busy writing!
by
Anonymous03/24/15
Nice one
I guess he should have been a little more careful marrying a gold digging woman. Makes me want to find an Asian woman myself
English
Familiar sounding issue
I had mixed opinions about this story.
The sex was fairly basic, and I thought it might be better with a professional. There is no way vaginal intercourse would happen without a latex condom. She would want to protect herself and her livelihood, and he should want to protect himself before playing with a high risk partner. Of course, they may have used a condom and it was just not mentioned.
This is interracial sex, and that category might get a better reception.
The description of the wife reminds me of my ex-wife, with the exception that my ex-wife enjoyed sex and was still somewhat physically attractive. She played her own version of "Make Jeff wrong". She has not been a very good ex, but being an ex is much better for me than still being married. Perhaps Jeff should consider a more permanent solution also. Starting the separation with adultery does not play well in court, but he probably finds it emotionally satisfying.
Good short story
Quite a few white guys have come to the same conclusion. The right Asian woman can change ones life for the better.
Please!
You need to get an editor. "A small client?" Do you mean the client was tiny or short?
A "Sole" is on the bottom of a shoe or swimming in the ocean. The word you want is "Soul."
"Exacerbated" should be "Exasperated!" Come ON!
Numbers lower than ten should be written out, i.e. "Five minutes."
Mentioning dick size down to the half inch is very poor form. I makes me picture this character standing there with a measuring tape.
There are no dashes between the words, "Then and there."
I can't go into all the typos ("bug tits") and punctuation errors. I guess the people who like this just want to get off, but all these errors really take me out of the story.
You need a second chapter
This story just begs for a second chapter. I would suggest his returning to Pahrump "to service a client" two or three times and encountering Si Fah again, preferably "off duty." She could either set him up with a sister or a cousin, or she could say she wants to get out of the life and make him happy (without mentioning marriage). He then finds a good lawyer and dumps the fat white bitch (I'd suggest having her assault him -- cut him with a knife or shoot at him and miss -- and then get arrested, tried, and sent up the river; it would give him grounds for a divorce where he did not get skinned), and moves in his new Asian lover that he later marries. A happy ending with loads of sex.
I look forward to seeing it. Get busy writing!
Nice one
I guess he should have been a little more careful marrying a gold digging woman. Makes me want to find an Asian woman myself
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