Fat Chance Ch. 01

YAWN, for fucks sake the whole first page was just blah blah blah.

Have you ever heard of a....

run on sentence? Please, oh, please, dear writer, would you consider, just one time, for the sake of my sanity, either obtaining an editor or a proof reader, or maybe just stop writing????? I'm embarrassed for you and I don't even know you!

thanks

Please continue :-)

Don't listen to the Annon

Jerk, blah blah blah, idiot. Good job setting the scene, there's not enough writers who give you the background. I will admit that too much irrelevant info is bad, however in this case you have done it just right. I gave a 3*** only because I hate reading serial stories specially if they go on and on and on. chapter 30,278 anf the guy is still crying into his beer.

Two or three chapters aren't bad as long as you give them something chewy to tide them over. and try to get the next chapter out in a reasonable time.

All in all. I'll be interested in where he goes from here. I'm a glass half full kind'a person so I'm hoping he doesn't backslide. but keeps forging ahead....preferably without the skinny cheating bitch

3 things

keep being fit

dump the bitch

nail the girl who told him (which is why you keep being fit)

Mr. Anonymous Run On Sentence

Are you serious? Since when did a run on sentence define a writer? This guy writes clear and unpretentious English. He constructs proper, grammatical sentences and says exactly what he means to say. And you want run on sentences. Fuck me.

Good story...

Good story for now...3*...let's wait for the next parts...I'll rated it in the end as a whole...

Not Bad

I didn't see the problems some of the Anons complained about, but would have liked it to have gone a little further.

I hope we don't have to wit too long for part 2, and some indication of how long the story will be would be nice.

emotionless

This tale felt like the emotion had been sucked out of it. The problem is that you wrote it basically as one long monologue. This can be great for supplying all the information, but it cuts out the connection between reader and story.

I ended up skimming the tale because of the lack of emotion. I wanted to find something interesting. But the first page was just the recap and even when the hero did find out that his wife was stepping out all he did was watch for one day before you got to the end.

There might be a story here, but the presentation kind of made it hard to find.

NOW WE MUST COMAPARE

Fat Chance with Slim and None. TK U MLJ LV NV

I suggest

that the readers who don't like this writer's style not read his story instead of complain about it. I for one enjoy this particular, very British, dry style. Reminds me of the Wanderer, Britease and some others. Very good. I am looking forward to the rest of the story. I hope our protagonist figures out a weigh to fatten up his bitch of a wife without her knowing it.

anon.1

its called get a divorce.

But then you have no story.

I can already seen the ending. . . .

given your past stories, i see it but will still read it cause its interesting. Will abstain from voting until series is finished

Glad to see another 5* author on the site.

There are many ways this story could go.

Waiting to see how it progresses.

If he wasn't clued in , he would be clueless

So where are you taking this story , his wife useing him and cheating , does. He man up and get a life after letting his slip by. Divorce the bitch and move on . Plan to clean out all asssets before.

Fat & Ugly

Not just our protagonist, but the entire Ch1! Fat & Ugly, that is! Just look at the THIRD paragraph. I dare anyone to make much sense out of that sentence ... even if you re-cast it as three sentences. The author also lies in the first paragraph. By the time he was told about his wife boffing her work-out mate, Our Hero Hubby is much thinner and also well-conditioned. Probably still ugly, however! Hard to imagine how his (ugly) Dad was able to seduce so many ladies!

Few tales fail so thoroughly at establishing any positive feelings from the readers for either Hubby OR Sweetie. Assuming it wasn't a case of mistaken identity in the outing of Sweetie, I couldn't help thinking 'WTF took you so LONG to drop the slug, Sweetie?'. I would have preferred she told Hubby he was history instead of cheating, but I never read anything to make me like HER any more than Hubby ... perhaps a lot more respect for her achievement ethic!

We are told early in Ch1 how this decades-long segment of Hubby's life ends ... we don't yet know the details of what Hubby will do after Ch1 until Finis. However, Hubby has been remarkably void of initative to this point in the missive, so 'drifting along' would be very consistent! I could try to be cute and suggest that SpenFik abandon, and let FTDS pick it up in a year or two ... wait ... that only happens if FTDS thinks the story has potential! So, I won't suggest that!

Food for thought is it?

I do like the sight of sperm leaking down my wife's thighs..

yep, what Lickdesplit said

Cant really fell bad for the bloke, he is both clueless and slovenly. At least the wife tried to keep it together. We get what we deserve in life

Good plot, but somewhat predictable.

It does not appear this couple were ever soul mates, and had very different interests, work ethic, and ambitions. Since he is so complacent she should have admitted her frustration and given him the opportunity to improve or end the marriage. She is being dishonest, but he had allowed the relationship, and his physical well being, to stagnate. His improvement appears to be too late. Both are at fault. No one to love here. A sad boring tale so far.

Disappointing story, he is fat and lazy and ugly and somehow it's the wife's fault for cheating?

It takes two to make a marriag work and he has been an active participant in the marriage for quite sometime. I would have preferred the wife to just divorce him before fucking another man; but that wouldn't be much of a story then.

As it stands, he's getting exactly what he deserves.

It's Not His Fault

Well not entirely. They both seem to have different goals in life and they both should have talked more about what they wanted. But I honestly believe he would have tried harder on his diet for her if she had stressed how important it was. Heck he slimmed down crazy fast and easy once he put his mind to it. Also his wife is a selfish cheating bitch, if she really detested him than why didn't she divorce him before sleeping around on him. It would serve her right if he left her for a more desirable woman and she end up with a man who isn't anywhere near as nice or loyal.

Good Read

Five * from me.
I liked the character of the husband. Look around guys - very few people are really handsome or beautiful. Not liking a story for that reason is sooooo shallow.

I read these wife stories for the emotional punch. As an emotional pain junkie, I don't need the characters to be perfect. Real to life works for me.

Look forward to next chapter. Thanks for the hard work writing this.

Funny and sad story that feels real 5 stars

I skipped the chapter because of the low score and it was only chapter 1. I read chapter 2 first and was hooked. This is a strong story about the common problem of taking your spouse for granted. He was too trusting and his wife saw him as a loser who wasn't worth her time. I love the personality you gave the husband but the wife is kind of blank. There is almost no dialogue between them. I'm sure that will change when the shit hits the fan. I like your style; it reminds me of a combination of JPB and HDK, two of our best former writers. Thanks for your work.

Reasonable Man

I really liked it

The lead in is well done and germane to the plot, his actions and thoughts ring with reality. There are such people out there. The wife is pretty much a stick figure. We don't know much of anything about her, and that's the stories biggest weakness.
I galls me when readers think it's a very good story, and vote it a 3 because it's a multipart story. Stupid! James Joyce is a bad writer because his books are so long! That's probably why the highest rated LW stories are mutipart stories.

Oh well

Good first chapter

I don't get those who say he had it coming. Yeah, he was fat and slovenly, but did she say anything? Moreover, did she even notice when he got his act together? A lot of us old married folk get complacent, it's no excuse for cheating. Of course, the situation would be different if she tried ANYTHING to keep it together.

I agree that wife is a stick figure for now. I hope you flesh her out in coming chapters.

The story is quite interesting

Normally they should have split up earlier because of the very different vision of the future. He is a really nice guy who happens to be ugly and fat(and perhaps English). He is a good worker and learns well. So we have a reason to root for him even though his thoughts are unemotional.
The thing is that I can't figure is the wife. She is not in love with him, or have a fetish relationship with him, and he is definitely not a meal ticket. What is her reason for staying in the marriage??

it is frustrating to read to the end

only to find out, it ends before we learn anything.

after wifey finds a man

the slob decides to become a man. but too late to close the gate after horses ran away.

Thanks for the offering.

Nice beginning

This paragraph, for me, essentially describes my beliefs with just a couple of exceptions:
Maybe it is me, or perhaps it applies to all red-blooded males, but I don't believe that ugly women exist. It is all about how you perceive your image, opposed to how other people see you. Young girls or old women, they all have their charms and graces no matter how fat or thin they think they are.
Women who are not confident about their looks, but are vain/conceited about their looks, no matter how good they look, are unattractive to me. Oh, and sadly, there ARE some simply unattractive women out there, God love them.
The story, like all of yours is quite good and you've laid good ground work. I hope to find the time to read the rest soon. Keep it up.

Thanks***

For sharing.

So we will see as this proceeds

But if he isn't sure he "fancies the miserable skinny old bitch anymore", he's upset that he has missed the chance to be a Father and he hasn't gotten laid in forever why does he need to wait to find out she's cheating on him to decide to leave her? Maybe too much patience on his part? Rather illogical but we'll wait to see how you save the day for our boy.

Don't really blame her in a way...

I mean, sure. Cheating is wrong. But giving up on a fat slob that can't even be bothered with niceties like simple grooming is understandable.

Even when our hero(?) fell into some reasonably valuable logistics and management abilities and the presentation and web building skills to show them off, what did he do when he needed a new job? He leveraged those skillsets into a more lucrative job in management at a more recession proof industry, right? Wrong! He got a job as a grease monkey at a cut rate garage.

Nice start.

I notice the readers did not enjoy the last chapter as much. If I continue to enjoy the story, I'll wade through the last chapter as well.

Bullshit

I dont intend to finish this story. Its the worst, useless, meaningless shit i ever read.

pretty good story

You have a good gift for gab, Specner. Your subtle humor has a nice, light touch. All in all, I think I'll just keep reading to see what happens next wharever the plot is, and so far it ant bad.

1*

brit cuck shit.