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English
You don't want to write your first story in 2nd. person!
You don't want to write ANY story in 2nd person.
Because it involves an actual loving couple I gave 3 stars.
Usually, I give 1 star for the personal point of view. I am not the doctor. I am not married to a chef (can you have an unprofessional chef?). I do not drink alcohol when I get home after a stressful day and I don't fuck my wife before dinner.
I won't a t, think or say the things you wrote so making this about me simply irritates the living fuck out of me. Tell me what the doctor said and did, tell me what the wife said and did; but leave me out of it.
Wooow
Two comments and they both telling you what I was going to say. So much for my second person rant.
However you should by now understand that second person isn't for this sort of writing. Leaves it to Tech Manuals and Love letters between couples. I'm writing in second person right now. I "the reader" am talking to you "the author" Anyone else reading this will know I'm not talking to them, so the reference YOU isn't annoying to them the reader of this comment. Understand now????
Phewwww, wipes brow, this English Lit 101 is hard work, might go have a wine and cool down.
Amanda
And No! I haven't returned. I'm just doing a bit of light reading, or in this case a bit of light skimming, and a touch of wrist slapping. Naughty Boy!
Author...What? You thought after reading my second sentence that you were getting off lightly? Ohhh brother you were so wrong, "Not an ice block's chance in Hell, Mate!"
Just one thing...
Just one thing...Using the "you" means that this story was written only for MD's....
Damn
I don't care how it's fucking written. I save that shit for the snobs. This was a tale of a loving husband and wife. No cheating, no betrayal involved. Wonderful story.
Five Stars
Fun
You really get to the center of your universe!
Second person
Written in the first person, a sweet little story. Written in the second person, how the fuck would you know?
Well, that's a nice 5* read for Sunday lunch time!
Thanks for sharing that one.
Nice TLW. Bad first sentence.
Yeah, the TLW part is sweet. About a quarter of the way through, it becomes clear there is no Big-Cock Dude slipping out the bedroom window. Agree the tale would be MUCH stronger from Hubby's mouth and his reflections, rather than being reported from an external observer.
(The next set of comments is directed at Lit4Girls, and detail snobs. Others need read NO further.)
BUT ... I am not sure if is a simple writing error OR some non-US protocol about a Motor-Driver or Menial Dishwasher rather than Medical Doctor ... until Sweetie comes back wearing Hubby's Stethoscope. Why? Usually MD is pronounced as the letter 'm' then the letter 'd.' Most vowels carry the article 'an' (except 'u' & 'y') and the majority of consonants carry the article 'a' - but about nine carry 'an' - including 'M!'. Trivial? ... kinda, but irritating that a detail (Hubby is a physician) assumed to be a given is, instead, unsure until the stethoscope part.
I originally passed this one up in a nanosecond when...
I saw the very first word was YOU and it wasn't in quotes. Unless a story is about me, personally, I never read second-person stories. I equate them with authors who simply don't know any better, and therefore, are bad authors.
I read this for one reason and one reason only, because of the comment made by betrayedbylove. Had this story been written in either first or third person, I believe it would have been deemed with a red H.
Lit4girls, I encourage you to write more. I believe this genre needs many more stories like this, except...please write them in first or third person. These are stories, not instruction booklets. I gave you 5*s because I think new writers should be encouraged and it is your first story, but please, please, please...in the future, don't write in second-person!
A real loving wife - strange concept!
Excellent and amusing little flash story. Hope they started a rug rat with their fun!
P.S. - Lit4Girls
One Sweetie for a group of physicians? Well, Nope! Then it would be 'The Doctors' Wife'. Guess it is just more carelessness with detail!
In case that was too subtle, try 'The Doctor's Wife'
I SEE IT IS YOUR FIRST STORY...
HOPEFULLY IT WILL BE YOUR LAST.
PLEASE! DON'T DISAPPOINT ME.
nice story about a couple who actually like each other
and like being with each other as husband and wife. perhaps it should be posted in Romance instead of LW?
as for the 2nd person and punctuation rants, many problems can be solved, especially for newby authors, by securing the aid of an experienced editor. they can clear up all kinds of little things over looked by the author.
A scene, not a story
And when it happened there was no foreplay, no undressing slowly, no tit play, no cock play, no pussy play. First they're hot for each other and then they're fucking. Sex? Yes. Erotic? No.
Now this is a ....
LOVING WIVES story! I wish it was a lot longer but I still enjoyed it!
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