Fat Chance Ch. 03

This is really starting to drag out.

This is getting tedious, now.This isn't going to turn into one of those 53 chapter, long drawn out stories where nothing happens, is it?

Too Drawn Out

Get to the real stuff. We wanna read about action, conflict and revenge; there is way too much in between going on here.

Very appealing and enjoyable read...

...but don´t you think you are splitting it too far? My impression is that the story seems somewhat artificially extended and the chapters lack somewhat of developement. Not all your readers have the patience to wait until something occurs that might losen up the tension. Could you perhaps at least add an additional page?
Nevertheless: I am longing for the following chapters. 4* - tending to 5

Boring, started out promising but.... YAWN

I am not bored...yet

I can get character development. And I can wait for a good denouement. (It IS a good denouement, right?)

However I have a few quibbles.

One, you break your stories to pieces in the worst places.

Two, I am having a hard time 'getting' this: a bunch of 30 strangers is walking around taking snapshots of people trying to have affairs. The hotel staff is allowing people to enter and leave rooms without escort? How this occurred was not particularly well described and so I didn't buy it.

Not trying to ruin the fantasy. Just things that break suspension of disbelief. If I am saying 'wait a second' I am not thinking of the story.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but how much weight is she going to gain in a week or two? MAYBE two kilos? That is not exactly horrible revenge.

You lost me

Sorry mate, Low attention span.

Pointless details are distracting.

What has the use of Mac's versus PC's got to do with your plot? Or that Maisie went to the only decent restaurant near their home, apparently dined alone (your character was too timid or witless to find out), and left the restaurant 90 minutes later? Instead of being held in anxious suspense, contemplating the next milestone in the plot, I find myself asking, "Why did he describe that in such detail. Is there some clue here that foretells future events that I need to remember?" I got the fire alarm/escape significance, but mostly I'm getting distracted by meandering pointless details that add nothing to the story. I think you have talent, so please take this as honest feedback. And forgive a clueless reader if I am missing your bread crumbs.

BING BANG---I SAW THE WHOLE GANG

hanging out on every floor. TK U MLJ LV NV

Quit reading because the minutia are unimportant.

What next, will you describe the odor of her piss after eating the baked asparagus? We don't need to know all the details unless they are pertinent to the story. As for telling the 30 or so camera enthusiasts, why didn't done of them say "We're not here to talk about your bloody wife problems, mate. We're here to talk cameras!" Because not everyone cares!
Also, he has told countless people his plan to ruin his wife...why should they believe his story? Has he offered them proof because if someone I knew told me that load of crap, I would probably tell his wife AND the cops because that's the kind of guy I am.

Then when nothing happens and the cops get him for entrapment, I can sit back and laugh my ass off at the stupid pecker who can't keep his mouth shut. As the saying goes: "Teo people can keep a secret but only if one of them is dead."

Boring

Fell asleep trying to finish

gave it a 5

hope it helps to offset these assholes annony!

Move along

I'm with the crowd that says this story is getting bogged down on details. In addition, the believability is seriously suffering. I'm willing to suspend a certain amount of disbelief, but a standing ovation for a sob story at a photo convention?

Also, maybe it's the lawyer in me, but the legal issues are killing me. No jurisdiction (in America at least) would hold her responsible for charges he authorized, and in many, he would be charged with credit card fraud for even trying. And putting illegally obtained video on a porn site? The whole group would be bankrupted if not arrested.

C'mon, speed it up and work it out. This story has played out.

Slow

Hurry up and get to the confrontation, to much worthless info

I like the pace.....

I like the information and build up. I think it would have been better broken into fewer chapters.

M

Very slow pace

Agree with others; this is too slow. Getting a bit boring. Writing is otherwise fairly good. I'm skeptical our hero needs to be checked for STD's. He has not had sex for quite a long time, so how would he get an STD? It's possible he might have gotten something a long time earlier and could be without symptoms, but by now I expect he would have some.

Anyway, I guess the denouement will be in the next chapter or two. Wifey will either cry and beg for forgiveness or she'll be derisive and drip scorn as she leaves. Not sure what the point will be for the elaborate revenge scheme. Should just dump the cunt and get on with his life.

boring

Have to agree with the other "get on with it" comments. Way to much irrelevant details for a two page chapter. The army of 30 plus photographers hanging around a group planning a fuckfest is just silly and would only spook the cheaters. Gordon's wife was unrealistically forgiving so soon after hearing about her husband's cheating. He was after all, only blackmailed from the second time he hooked up with the skank.

Unfortunately there are too many extra people

If the author really thinks about it, the cat will be out of the bag before Maisie gets her turn before the camera. . They should have held off posting until much later. These regional directors will be wired in and quickly alerted.

I fell asleep

Literally...

I swear the snails in my garden move faster

Than this story. Too plodding. Not in the least bit entertaining.

So, what happened?

I was waiting for something to happen and turns out nothing happened.

Why is the wife cheating? Is she even still a character?

Dear Anon

This is 'Loving Wives'. The wife in this section is almost NEVER a character! She is a plot excuse for the fucking (for the cuckold crowd) or for the vengenge wreaking (for the BTB crowd).

I am probably just as guilty, granted.

like i said BOOOOOORING

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I agree with FD45W

Three chapters and I have no idea of why the wife is caring on. And like others have said, the storyline is slow and boring.http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.p hp?id=993197

I agree with Harry

This is crap.

not frustrating anymore

the lack of any furthering of the storyline has become annoying.
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. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

2*s

Just dragging the story out. A lot of ancillary characters and dialogue adding no emotional impact .
Sorry, but 2*s for me. I am not


AMerryMan

Had to slog through this part

Getting a bit drawn out, all the details, hope next is faster paced

A Fun Read****

Thanks for sharing.

ITS " TALLY HO" TIME AT THE TRACK

and they are off on the hunt, TK U MLJ LV NV

not a story... a description of what happened

You haven't gotten the knack of storytelling down yet... you're just giving a description of events... there's a huge difference. ..

hilarious!

I know it's a 'loving wives 'story. but it should win top honors in the humor category, too.. PLEASE DON'T DO ANYTHING TO BLOCK YOUR - CREATIVE JUICES. You are just too gifted to stop supplying your fans with such entertaining stories...

1*

brit cuck shit.