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English
Easy way out
I was disappointed with the ending. You had this set up so you could have developed a real Mind Control classic series. Unfortunately you left us with a nice mind control story.
The problem with this story is that it was too easy.
There was no fight, no remorse, no emotion, nothing but air. It's the difference between climbing a mountain, the struggle, the fear, the exhilaration of triumph and simply having the power to appear on however many mountain top you want...after the first few, you realize the thrill is gone. Sure it's a nice view but without the struggle to get there, it's empty.
That's your story. Empty.
Thank you
Thank you for your no holds bar critique of my story. I admit, the first to chapters were written several years before the 3rd and soon to be 4th. I may just get rid of the 4th entirely. Maybe delete this one. It may not do the beginning justice. We shall see though.
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