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English
Style and content.
Not bad. A little coarse in a couple of places but I guess that was the intent of the story. Writting style, grammar and spelling continue to be important (just like in school). A nice "picture painting". Believable in most areas. One use of the word "floor" when they are out at the front of the car probably should have been "ground". Hitting that strange word when you are expecting "mud" or "wet gravel" is a lot like stubbing your toe on the gym floor the first time you wear your new Converse sneakers. Unexpected, clumsy and it breaks the stride of the story.
Not bad though.
OK, but....
Could've done with a rim job. Her bent over like that in the rain was screaming out for one
hot story
Very good writing style, nice descriptions and good flow. I liked the way you painted such a clear picture of her and how she felt about him, made the "plain fuck" of the story just that. Keep writing, you're good.
HUH?
You take a shy and quiet- not to mention good looking kid and turn him into a fuck machine. Someone who has sex often with the mention of the big cock rumors, and yet is so unanimated.
Possibly Epic
The "climax" was the only thing I could say needs work.
I like your writing style-- reminded me of old-school Detective cases, or... Sin City...? Like it none-the-less.
lovely
Hey little rockly to get started in my veiw but love the style you used. For the grammer fuck them. Not every one the best at it dont mean they can wight one hell of goo story. But that form preson who grammar so bad you thing kid wrote it.Any way man great story lovely.
Not bad
But to the comment whom thinks grammer and spelling are important, they are clearly wrong... Ppl can reach their climax without grammer and spelling being correct, as long as u can read between the lines, ur gtg. But in truth, was good, except i didnt like the ending much. How can ya not like him at all!?
right on
You're doing it right for me, that's for sure! I'm not sure if you're looking for male or female feedback, but wow, this is hot, hot, hot!
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