Bad sentence structure. Bad syntax. Horrible writing. Starting with the first line.
"Chris drives his car in high miles in hope to arrive at college." I assume you mean: "Chris drove his car at high speed hoping to arrive at college on time." Or, "Being late for class, Chris drove dangerously fast. He hoped to get to college in time for his first class."
I did not even make it past the horrible first paragraph due to the writing style.
by
Anonymous11/29/14
dreadful english
if English is not your main language, please get an editor for your work, if it is your main language please try harder in school!
by
Anonymous11/29/14
So badly written
I couldn't make it through the whole story.
by
Anonymous11/30/14
Absolute CRAP!!!
I tried - I REALLY tried - to read this story. But even as an English Major with extensive experience in editing and rewriting stories and technical manuals to a standard rarely seen nowadays, I was unable to see any way in which the plot could be rescued: "Bollywood meets Functional Illiteracy" was the only title that sprang to mind.
Sorry, not even the most desperate of Mumbai porn producers would go for crap like this. Nor would anybody, no matter HOW stoned, be able to fully understand the author's intentions....
This item deserves a negative value in the voting selection.
by
Anonymous11/30/14
Deaf / English
From the name of the author DeafGuyporn I suspect that the writer is actually deaf and that sign language is his first language. Sign language and English is quite different, hence the "bad" English. Give the guy a break!
For those giving negative comments, read the name of the author. He is trying, much better than some of you anons. Nice attempt. Give it another go. If you have a friend that could help you it will help. Don't listen to the negative people on here.
Story line is just okay but it is obvious you have poor command of the English language. Pronoun tenses do not match and that makes reading your story difficult.
by
Anonymous12/14/14
Nice start!
I liked it, and hope you keep going. Ignore the mean comments and keep trying, you'll get it in no time!
by
Anonymous12/16/14
Ignore the ignorant
Actually, this piece does adhere to the grammar and syntax of sign-language. Perhaps the ignorant would have gotten it if the author had made the main character deaf. To me, this is no different than writers who use deliberate dialect in their pieces. I think it was a good first submission. I do think there may be a few issues with pacing, but that probably reflects my own preferences. Keep at it!
English
Really?
Bad sentence structure. Bad syntax. Horrible writing. Starting with the first line.
"Chris drives his car in high miles in hope to arrive at college." I assume you mean: "Chris drove his car at high speed hoping to arrive at college on time." Or, "Being late for class, Chris drove dangerously fast. He hoped to get to college in time for his first class."
I did not even make it past the horrible first paragraph due to the writing style.
dreadful english
if English is not your main language, please get an editor for your work, if it is your main language please try harder in school!
So badly written
I couldn't make it through the whole story.
Absolute CRAP!!!
I tried - I REALLY tried - to read this story. But even as an English Major with extensive experience in editing and rewriting stories and technical manuals to a standard rarely seen nowadays, I was unable to see any way in which the plot could be rescued: "Bollywood meets Functional Illiteracy" was the only title that sprang to mind.
Sorry, not even the most desperate of Mumbai porn producers would go for crap like this. Nor would anybody, no matter HOW stoned, be able to fully understand the author's intentions....
This item deserves a negative value in the voting selection.
Deaf / English
From the name of the author DeafGuyporn I suspect that the writer is actually deaf and that sign language is his first language. Sign language and English is quite different, hence the "bad" English. Give the guy a break!
nice start.
For those giving negative comments, read the name of the author. He is trying, much better than some of you anons. Nice attempt. Give it another go. If you have a friend that could help you it will help. Don't listen to the negative people on here.
Word tense
Story line is just okay but it is obvious you have poor command of the English language. Pronoun tenses do not match and that makes reading your story difficult.
Nice start!
I liked it, and hope you keep going. Ignore the mean comments and keep trying, you'll get it in no time!
Ignore the ignorant
Actually, this piece does adhere to the grammar and syntax of sign-language. Perhaps the ignorant would have gotten it if the author had made the main character deaf. To me, this is no different than writers who use deliberate dialect in their pieces. I think it was a good first submission. I do think there may be a few issues with pacing, but that probably reflects my own preferences. Keep at it!
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