#7

I used to think
that everything happened for a reason.
Things happened, and in the end
things could be explained away,
put into neat little boxes,
filed away with an explanation
something to be learned from
something to be gained from.
And I suppose that this time
that can be said also.
But when I think about it all,
and what I think i was supposed to learn from you,
I knew it all before.
I made the exception for you,
let you in; trusted you so hopefully,
when you simply asked me to trust you.
So I guess the lesson learned is
that i really should never trust anyone
should really never let anyone in
because when i do, i get fucked emotionally
and i've just learned it one more time
Maybe that was the point.
The highs, the lows
the lies of love
believing in you to be hurt once again.
trusting you,
To be lied to and denied as usual;
and in the end,
even if I loved you more than anyone,
I now dislike you just as much as the others,
and like them, i'll never see you again...
will never want to look into you eyes again...
i'll never think of you again...
seeing you won't matter to me, the way it once did
having your lies in my life won't matter
having you in my life won't be worth a damn
some day, i'll hopefully feel no emotion when i think of you
you'll just be another mistake in my past,
on top of a messy, sleazy, repulsive, lying pile
with the others.
i've been through this before.
what was the point this time?
why did i need you to teach this to me again?
So that this one last time,
I wouldn't forget the lesson?
to reinforce what I already knew?
to reinforce that men aren't worth shit?
to reinforce that all men are liars?
to reinforce that love is simply bullshit
wrapped in a pretty bow?
I already knew.
i can't stand you
for ever making me hope otherwise.
i can't stand you
for looking me in the eyes and being such a liar.
i can't stand you
for thinking i was too naive to know what you were up to
and i can't stand you
for being the biggest disappointment of my life.