Aching Loneliness

Aching Loneliness

The remembered brush of lips against my own makes me smile until I awake,
I stretch out an arm towards my lover until I remember my love has left me,
That desolate emptiness which claims me fills my very being with a gaping void,
I gasp pummelled again and again by the hurt he caused when he refused to come back to me,
The bed is too large to feel cosy no I know that I am alone.

No longer will I lie here warm with the security of having him next to me,
He will never be there again.
We becomes I, ours becomes mine, as I struggle to adjust to this life of so called endless possibilities as a single entity.
The days once filled with comfy couple routines are now stripped and bare hours in a seemingly sterile existence,
I meander aimlessly through the days scared lest I remember him again and my heart will bleed anew,

Eventually I know the pain will recede and I will blossom again,
It just seems as impossible a task as scaling Everest
Where do I begin?
How can I stop my self being drawn into this aching loneliness that sucks at my senses and dulls my perceptions?
That self same loneliness that makes me cry screaming choking sobs into my pillow every night yet act strong for my friends

I will not let it destroy me and yet I crave to give in,
To be pulled in and to shut out everyday humdrum life from this core of despair that clutches at my every breath and fights my every independent move,
Unwilling to let me be a me instead of a failed we.
I will battle though, until it has receded and I have won
I will survive this test and I will no longer be alone
Until that day however the aching loneliness will be forever by my side,
More faithful than the battle hounds of old,
Yet I know I will get through this. Somehow.