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Click herewandering aimlessly thru the woods
sensing the sun's withdrawal
remembering your leave taking
feelings overwhelming thought
heart poised knowing the loss
repeated like a mobius strip
of loves and dreams
would never go away
night sky a mirror of my soul
trite... maybe
crushingly new every time
even in death you reach out
make me remember the feeling
of you leaving...
could you not have taken me with you?
Love dies, death smiles - someone help, no, can't, sadness dwells oh heaven above, why? Darkness looms, no one answers, the priest they say, "faith" as the man wanders to a cold moon and drinks till dawn disappears and the ghost appear while he chatters about nothing, for moments are gone.
A vacancy left by death ~ only the feeling yet remains. Poignant and touching.
I feel as though something needs to be fine tuned. Not sure what, yet.
You know I do. It's an ache of a piece of writing--and this is what I love about your work: the way your heart shows in it. This section is pure beauty--
repeated like a mobius strip
of loves and dreams
would never go away
night sky a mirror of my soul
trite... maybe
crushingly new every time
I think the last line takes away from the overall impact of the piece, but that's just me. Really gorgeous, my dear. xo, A.
Boo.
I like the " leaving" pun in the first stanza.
Some great fresh analogies in this
mobius strip is right on.
A very nice piece of writing
Thank you