- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Another Word For Miscarriage
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Click herenext to the salt ,the odd grain peppering the paper
a note from my lover, underlined at every word
'the honeymoon is over; I WANT IT DONE!!'
and under the note, four hundred dollars;
I sit, peel an orange, consume his words
nipples pricked in anger and aching
as I swallow my nausea,
thinking of something small.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousabout 13 years agoUngodly as a child's shriek.
Spiderlike, I spin mirrors,
Loyal to my image,
Uttering nothing but blood---
Taste it, dark red!
And my forest
My funeral,
And this hill and this
Gleaming with the mouths of corpses.
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoI finally caught up with this, Vee. (I find it hard to write and read a lot at the same time.) This is exceptional. Every line carried its own weight and wove nicely with each other. I like the title too.
12o1 gave an intriguing suggestion, which would add emphasis to the poem's theme with a visual dimenstion, although without a substitution for "thinking," I think the meaning of the line wouldn't be what you intended if I'm reading it correctly.
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoI finally caught up with this, Vee. All the lines carried weight and were woven together well. Whether it's your best, I don't know because I haven't read all of your stuff, but this is an exceptional poem in my opinion. I think 12o1's comment is excellent and would add a certain visual dimension the poem's theme, but I think the omission of "thinking" without adding something to replace it would change the meaning if I'm reading the poem correctly. An easy 5 in my book.
fridayamover 13 years agoexcept to say this is your best poem to date, V, and haunting in its abrupt detail. TY.
Esperanza_Hidalgoover 13 years agowhat they say vrose, again the minimal cutting poem. Your coup d'etat.
PoetGuyover 13 years ago"I sit, peel an orange, consume his words", an excellent way of showing (not telling) the reader how the narrator is attempting to maintain control over her emotions. Well done.
Anonymousover 13 years agoI voted on this poem the first time I read it, and then I turned away without commenting. I wanted to put it out of my mind. Turns out that wasn't possible.
I gave it a five.
twelveooneover 13 years agothink of something small, else raise think(ing) to previous line. You want the declining line length
easy 100
