- Non-Erotic Poetry
- brown juice
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Click here'Guitar rip over a beating drum'
Laughter rang out
from the front room's
musical joust
the weekly band rehearsal
and a singing mouth
We the 'children'
mimic their play
in a back room
out of the parents way
Billy's guitar
sounded sour
Tinas five gallon buckets
were hum drums for hours
bang bang bang drum roll splat
Our little band
needed the boost
to sound as good
as the parents
after drinking
... the brown juice!
Every child knows
the magic it sows
to drink the brown juice
your talent grows
along with laughter and smiles!
a master plan crafted
a ninja's daring mission
brown juice bottle grasped
from out of the kitchen
huddled around
the back of the house
each of us dared
to sip the brown juice
that was buttermilk sour
spew spit spat yak
the faces of the ugly
as each of us sipped
this stuff was nasty
and burned past the lip
Each of us agreed
it wasn't worth the tasting
the brown juice ...
a bottle of ... whiskey!
- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoLoose knit musical group - children in fantasy mood trying to emulate - reality.
LeBrozover 17 years agoHere's where they learned their lesson well
And it was all self-administered!
Anonymousover 19 years agoA little more improvement and you will be almost as good as uncle Pervy!
WickedEveover 19 years agobut this stanza is too choppy:
Our little band
needed the boost
to sound as good
as the parents
after drinking
... the brown juice!
You need to lengthen the lines. Read the stanza that begins with master plan. Notice how much smoother that one reads?
twelveooneover 19 years agoas you would say:
hehheh<charmed> or something like that, you have some nice stuff going on here.
Tinas five gallon buckets
were hum drums for hours
bang bang bang drum roll splat
to sip the brown juice
that was buttermilk sour
spew spit spat yak
the faces of the ugly
