Divine Compass

me wanting to read 'true' rather than 'truly'

i liked your opening lines - illustrating the broad arc described by the compass following the moon (though part of me see's 'pole star') - and how that was honed to a far smaller, far more specific arc of the celestial body your narrator has 'found'. a lovely way of saying how enchanted the N is by the perfection he's found in her body.

The divine compass which traced the stars

left the heavens to scribe a line more delicate

than the moon's path across the crisp night sky.

No arc in heaven can match

the curve from knee to your waist.

I will abandon star gazing

and spend my nights under a roof

for I have found the truly heavenly body.

the curve from knee to your waist... hmmmn ... reads just a trifle clunky to me ... this curve from knee to waist, perhaps. you could avoid the rep of heaven/heavenly body (which flirts with clich a little too close for my comfort) by going this route:

No arc in heaven can match

that/this curve from knee to waist.

I've abandoned star gazing

and spend my nights under a roof

mapping your celestial body.

The first couple of lines don't make much sense to me.

The divine compass which traced the stars

left the heavens to scribe a line more delicate

than the moon's path across the crisp night sky.

The divine compass traced the stars

to scribe a line more delicate

than the moon's path across the crisp night sky.

Just a thought. Nice poem, which had me thinking of John Donne. 5

.....I agree with WSO. "True" would make that last line smoother and sweeter. You're fast becoming the king of seductive poetry, B'age. :-)

there are fast balls, and curves. Nice curve. Interesting noun phrase ending. A 5.

'truely' or 'true'? (would that be an improvement or not?)