- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Envoi
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Click hereThe eggshells are long shattered but
I still tiptoe through the house like
the ghost you avoid in the hall
the spectre of might-have-been
hanging from the coat-rack dripping
regret through the floorboards
into the foundations
rotting them.
- COMMENTS
bronzeageabout 13 years agoVery good use of metaphor. I especially like "coat-rack dripping
regret through the floorboards"
Maria2394about 13 years agoand since I have no constructive crit to leave for you, I just wanted to let you know I read it and enjoyed :)
~maria
vrosej10about 13 years agoI like fridayam's version and I am giving this a recommend. This one blew me away. It is powerfully sad and visceral. I keep saying this is my favourite of your stuff so far, but I'm gunna say it again. If I could vote, it's be getting a 6!
buttersabout 13 years agotwo very different sensations evoked. friday's is the more chilling, spectral, sad to me... PB's is all about the corporeal but a good poem in and of itself. one addresses the emptiness, the rot, better than the other - as if time and distance lends it a different perspective. PB's is more about (for me) something far more recent - even the dripping albumen (the stuff of life dripping away) creates a physical visual and sensation. friday's piece works the way it does for its addressing the non-corporeal. PB's is also (to me) about the other person physically 'not there' whereas friday's embraces the sadness of being there but not as one would wish. so, to sum up, two entirely different poems, subjects, approaches. i honestly prefer the lighter touch delivered by friday's write.
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago...bro, no it's not. The original is the better of the two.
Tess
PhaonsBrotherabout 13 years agoThe eggshells are long battered
but still I tiptoe through the two lips
and kiss you like the ghost in the hall
the spectre of might-have-been french toasts
our shoelaces slung together on the coat-rack dripping
albumen through the floorboards
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago....could be the disintegration of any number of situations but I see the brittle atmosphere of a failed relationship......hence the perfect choice of egg shells.
There are some great choices of words here too - "ghost" and "spectre", "hanging", "dripping" and "rotting" all contributing to the slightly haunting quality of this poem.
If t'were possible I'd give it five.
Tess
