Haiku for Rain

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foehn2
foehn2
2 Followers

Rain has fallen for hours.
Tons of water press the land.
Heavy, the heavens.

foehn2
foehn2
2 Followers
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Anonymous
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4 Comments
Senna JawaSenna Jawaabout 16 years ago
There was a line break

between rain and heavens.

Regards,

Senna JawaSenna Jawaabout 16 years ago
Nice, I like it!

You could get about the same effect or perhaps more (plus a smile) in fewer words:

tones of rain

heavens

Best regards,

foehn2foehn2over 16 years agoAuthor
Correct, Anonymous. (by foehn2)

I wondered if anyone would notice. I'm not a scholar of haiku (and I don't speak or write Japanese). I believe jstherra is the resident Literotica haiku guru. English and the haiku form may actually be mutually exclusive, but English likes to be borg-like, trying everything, assimilating mercilessly. In many modern haiku journals, the 5-7-5 syllabic structure has been virtually abandoned in deference to other concerns of a short form. Keiko Imaoka wrote a very interesting article some years ago, "Forms in English Haiku". Thank you for your keen eye and your comment!

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
I beg your pardon..

I do not know much about poetry, other than I enjoy it..but in traditional Haiku...isn't it supposed to be 5,7,5? You have here 6,7,5..Am I wrong? Either way..I really enjoyed it..thank you!

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