Holy Place

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In a pit behind the church
Beyond the cracked blacktop
In the middle of the pine
Sits a patch of black sand

Nothing grows there
A few trees struggle
Stunted, they die slowly
Red needles hang on skeletons

Into the dry, dark earth
Someone traced a large bird
Wings outstretched
Never to fly
Each rain it fades a little more

I sit at one of the talons
Watching the cars go by
Nobody sees us
They just throw garbage
Out their windows

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3 Comments
fawniefawniealmost 20 years ago
i thought..

it was a lovely poem. i too am learning how to chop out unnecessary words, sometimes i find it hard to do and still make it flow nice. i'm learning! keep writing, you do have much to say, this one sure speaks volumes.

tarablackwood22tarablackwood22almost 20 years ago
I agree...

...this poet is showing all the earmarks of true growth. Tighter phrasing, sharper image, control of sentimentality. A far cry from the same poet's work not so long ago.

twelveoonetwelveoonealmost 20 years ago
I like this

I like this poet, he continues to show growth, although most of the lines could be improved on, he sets a complex tone and carries it off. Best line:

Red needles hang on skeletons

I fear that he may be handicapping himself with title choice,

this one is perfect here, but...

As an example, anyone reading this should read his so-called:

Stupid Sonnet, which if you get beyond the title is well worth it.

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