- Non-Erotic Poetry
- I Contain Multitudes
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Click hereyou think I am a diamond
but I am elephantine
five metres by five
a
serpentine
boulder
- COMMENTS
twelveooneabout 13 years agosee, I would have screwed it up, gave it a point
serpentine
boulders
ay?
100, because Emp loved it andf didn't bother to vote.
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agothe sounds this poem makes--and the colors I see when reading it. It works. I get it.
bogusagainabout 13 years agoI'm assuming with the format this is meant to be a concrete poem, in that context it works well, as a purely literary poem, not so well.
It is pointless making suggestions because any words of a different length than the ones they replace, would upset the visuals.
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago....little gem of a poem. I like the echoes "think" and "trinket" - "serpenTINE", "five" and elephanTINE". Diamonds or gold? This could be either.
Tess
fridayamabout 13 years agobut struggled to find the meaning. The "you" doesn't seem to fit the rest of the poem. Do you see what I mean? x
Angelineabout 13 years agoand I love the comparisons of size and sturdiness and the suggestion of many layers. I was thinking it might be cool to shape this poem so that it goes from tiny on top to large at the bottom to let the shape follow the meaning. Just a thought. :-)
buttersabout 13 years agoand found out about serpentine boulders! very cool. and fit perfectly here in your small, polished piece.
what sent me looking, was 'elephantine', thinking - 'why not some word for a specific type of rock mass? or a word encompassing the earth as a whole, with all its variety?' - and then i saw you already did :D not the world, but it's scattered all round the globe, this serpentine rock.
the concept of the tiny box (the him) thinks they can contain, encompass, what is to them something precious, a cut and polished jewel of a person, is set up against the notion that it is, in reality, some sort of restriction for this wondrous, raw, unpolished diversity. it can be read as though there's some small embarrassment for not being the fabulous jewel, but that's overridden by a pride in being exactly the way she(?) is.
at least, that's what i read into this, V. loved it!
my one query? do you really need the 5 x 5?
Kobaabout 13 years agoI liked this! Quite good! It is short but each time I read it over I got something new out of it. You say a lot in a few words and that is good poetry.
