Intruder

bywakingDown©

Footfalls loud in the hushed halls
Breaking sullen silence
Dullard eyes stare hard
From their hiding places

The interloper the intruder
The disturber of the peace
Who walks so calm and sure
Back straight and chin cocked

Aware of the hate and fear
That surrounds and gathers
But smiles all the same
With that hellish impudence

Who would dare to strike out
Against this obvious oppressor
With promise of pain so aching
So clear so completely assured

Soon enough a scale will tip
A balance will shift and topple
And the air will stagnate fast
As the hated outsider is stopped

His path blocked by sweating flesh
By clenched fist by jagged tooth
And his smile will finally falter
When the situation sinks in

Promised pain delivered now
Just not by those who swore it

Report Story

bywakingDown© 2 comments/ 429 views/ 0 favorites

Share the love

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait
Recent
Comments
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Desejo07/25/13

This one confuses me. I don't understand the jagged tooth metaphor, and more importantly I don't think the oppressor is as obvious as you may intend. I think it could be fixed with some word changesmore...

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by twelveoone07/25/13

S1

very, very good, you know the reasons. Sustain, i.e. start breaking out of workshop mode. Small example "hellish" ish is generally a diminishing suffix, also a bit overused. Let's leave it as S1 very,more...

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Show more comments or
Read All 2 User Comments  or
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel