Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereCan you hear them? The crickets
play such a lonely, mournful song
that still tastes sweet in my mouth,
Can you hear them? The crickets
remember when it went south;
even touching your hair felt wrong.
Can you hear them? The crickets
play such a lonely, mournful song.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 10 years agoon getting a comment with substance
congrats to the person leaving it
5ed
but with reservations:
still tastes sweet in my mouth,
good
even touching your hair felt wrong.
even better
but
lonely, mournful song
puts this in song territory i.e. hook is a cliche
also be nice to see a little more comments from you, good practice
Anonymousover 10 years agoIt's the repetition of "crickets" and the sound of it that made this short poem remarkable as well as the mourning for me. It says so much with the few words, all of which seems to fit so well.
greenmountaineer (Lit's not accepting my log-in for comments on poems for some reason.)
HarryHillover 10 years agoespecially pleased it was written with my word challenges :)
