- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Love Flight
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
Last night, I flew up there
and felt the pangs of your desire
like the unravelling spiral cord
that touched my heart in possession
of aches and love and gentle laughter.
I flew around the cloud
where I know you hid those years
as the same pain
tried to catch up to me.
I flew higher up into that sky
with noose-like, clawing ice
broken apart in victory.
I loved you all over again,
knowing the game isn't finished,
knowing we aren't even, yet,
but loving unconditionally
while sweet raincloud shadows
ran over my back.
I loved you again -
like I always do -
tears guided my flight,
your hopeless, menacing pain
drew me off into the sunrise
and I wanted you to know
that I will still come to you
anytime you ask,
though the pain should banish me,
force me to look elsewhere...
Vapor love-crystals everywhere,
rainbows in cloud haloes,
pink sun turned yellow,
and down I sank back into me,
still whispering,
"I'm in love with you,
after all these tears."
- COMMENTS
jthserraalmost 20 years agothat so many of your really good poems possess. The first stanza just felt much too weighty. You might consider some trimming, for example:
"Last night, I flew up there
and felt the pangs of your desire
like the unravelling spiral cord
that touched my heart in possession
of aches and love and gentle laughter."
Last night I flew
felt the pang of your desire
like unravelling spiral cord -- 'love this image'
touching my heart with aches,
love and gentle laughter.
something like that. I think if you ran through the whole poem and trimmed the excess, this poem will emerge that much stronger. See what you think. This is a good poem that with a little more snipping can really shine. Nice work...
jim : )
