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Click herein decaying brains,
tasting their dreams
their thoughts
their memories.
We are not the
thoughts memories dreams
not the person, not even
the riverbed through which they flow.
We flit through a web of shadows,
now a rock, a fish, a dying star,
the psychic cement that
binds the universe,
all memory lost
in rotting corpses
and granite cliffs
soon to be dust.
We rise with the dust,
floating inescapably
in space/time/mind, our lives
of no more importance than a dragonfly's
and of no less importance
than a god's.
.
If you read my "The Truth about Life After Death," you'll see that I believe the thoughts in this poem to be literally true.
At first glance this is good but it unravels on reading. Did you really mean to imply that humans are receiving mayfly thoughts or was that accidental?
what the point of the title was--in what way did you show that we are like mayflies? In what way does the poem say that we only live for one day? There are a lot of images, none of which illustrate that idea--not an unworthy one. It all sounds nice but doesn't mean anything. And what's with all the empty space at the end of your poems?
is a damned good poem lost in an abundance of excess words. you could cut this back by half and find the best of it.
for example, if your title was 'mayflies', your first line could happily be 'we reside for a single day', making the title work and not have the first line as a repeat of sorts. having said that, the 'single day' is a little cliché, so you could opt for 'our time is brief'... you could then cut directly to 'we are not memories/nor the riverbed through which they flow/now a rock, a fish, a dying star/all memory lost/in rotting corpses/and granite cliffs soon to be dust/insignificant as dragonflies/important as gods'