Mind Control

My mind was your toy
Always in your clutches
Like a stubborn small child
Always getting your way.

You'd reduce me to tears
To exercise your control
The need to feel powerful
Was your only love.

I was lying in my bed
On the phone to you
Tears soaking my pillow
My sobs echoing round the room.

I could hear you drinking
I knew you were smoking
And I hear a click
And a laugh from you

My mind frantic
Trying to get through to you
You describe what's in your hand
And what I've caused you to do.

You point the gun at your head
While my cries become louder
Sickening and painful
You say you'll do it

And you hang up.

I don't hear from you for days.
You didn't answer your phone.
I was empty.
I thought I needed you.

You phoned me.
Apologising.
You were 'drunk'
You were 'joking'

You didn't think it'd hurt me.

All was quiet.
Then I continued to breathe.
Sobbing I accepted you back
Apologising
Always apologising
For my behaviour.