Mortified

Twas a special night
for me and my love
To dinner I took her
my sweet turtledove

Over the candles
I looked into her eyes
Never believing the night
would end in cries

Our stomachs were sated
our appetites fed
It wasn't long
before we went home to bed

We rollicked and rolled
tasting each others delights
The only thing lacking
was the warm firelight

She crawled down my body
her tongue leaving a wet trail
I writhed and I wiggled
all to no avail

ANd that's when it happened
I'll never forget
I tried to squirm away
broke out in a cold sweat

She thought I was excited
by her silken tongue
Thinking her movements
would soon have me undone

There wasn't a sound
why not even a peep
When between my legs
something did leak

Twas the beans I know
that caused my distress
And she was right there
to catch the gas in excess

So one thing I've learned
to my own mortification
If you go out to eat
don't eat beans without fortification