- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Najah's Nightmare
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During the Abbisad caliphate
two Mamluks had their way with me,
and now I was bereft
on the outskirts of the village
where one good brother brought me.
The other wanted death
to save the family's honor.
Still, my teary-eyed Abbud
said he had to beat me
with a stirrup from his saddle
to prove he loved our father
while Fadil collected stones.
- COMMENTS
OpenFieldabout 10 years agoI will try to send you a more detailed comment on your poem via the anonymous feedback channel. I wish there was somewhere we could establish a dialogue about this poem, as I both think it very good and think it flawed.
The easiest thing to point out is that (at least Wikipedia, which is of questionable accuracy) calls it the <i>Abbasid Caliphate</I>, not the Abbisad Caliphate. I assume that is either simple error or, possibly, a different (and perhaps more reliable) source.
The main thing that bothers me is the first line: "During the Abbisad caliphate". People living in ages do not refer to those ages. Why I think of this poem as, literally, a nightmare of a contemporary woman dreaming about behavior centuries ago.
Which, of course, weakens your intent to show that the same behavior is contemporary.
None of this is to say that I think this is a bad poem. It is an excellent, thought-provoking, intelligent poem.
Ashesh9about 10 years agowhich is probably neither sanctioned by the Holy Koran , definitely Not sanctioned by Muhammad [ PBUH] & possibly totally opposite to Allah's Will !?!
as a Hindu [ who often fight bitterly with Muslims ] & a tolerant human being desirous of harmonious coexistence with all faiths I still find it Unacceptable to murder innocent young female victim of Rape after labeling them Haraam for having had intercourse outside of Marriage !?! first you Rape her then U Stone her : Logical , huh ????!!! go figure ???????!!!!!!! 5-ed .
greenmountaineerabout 10 years agoAuthorActually, Cleardaynow, your comment is precisely the reason why I placed it in the past. I was hoping the reader would reply "but this is still happening!" Your comment delights me because your reading resulted in what I was hoping for.
Cleardaynowabout 10 years agoThe more I read this the more I like it. As Remec says the matter of fact tone is really compelling and suits the poem so well. The conflict between personal conscience and received social convention by Abbud is very nicely judged and presented.
I am slightly curious why this was set in the past when my understanding is that this is very much the situation in Pakistan and Afghanistan today? No reason why it should not be – just curious.
Remecabout 10 years ago*shiver*
Great, there's another nightmare I didn't need. And I'm not even female. *smile* I like how it was presented so matter-of-factly. I could almost picture the expressions as each went about their business--preparing to beat a loved sister, gathering material to kill said sister, and waiting for judgement and punishment to be brought on top of the crime already committed against her.
(I secretly hope Abbud lets her escape after being flogged in passive opposition to Fadil's wishes.)
todski28about 10 years agothe eyes of another, harsh, unforgiving and raw, you are one of my favourite writers.
the subject is harsh and unapologetic and you match the tonality in your poem. well written and harsh on the sensibilities.
pelegrinoabout 10 years agoHard realities of the Abassid dynasty!
A fine and objective historical sense.
Is this an anecdotal true story?
5ed.
