Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereRaw
So raw and painful,
My needs not met,
Still holding, stopping,
Yet gushing wet.
Aching full tension,
The edge of bliss,
I hold myself back,
Lusts breathing kiss.
Pleading and giving,
Soon all is lost,
Desires so fresh.
Fullfillments cost.
Swirling emotions,
Denials touch,
Cumming, screaming,
My souls debauch.
dlt © Nov 22 2004
Very err insightful imagery (lol). The flow was solid. Very good one here..More Please~
nice play with words...I was left raw after reading it...grin...nice poem!
Your poem is mentioned on the new poems review thread on the poetry board.
*No thermometer rating
I can live with the license, for I felt the pulse of this poem. ~Imp
Also, I forgot to tell you when we were going back and forth with suggestions in the forum....
that usually 4, 5, 4, 5 count are rarely seen but it still is a solid count. You could even go more. Say 7, 5, 7, 5 for each stanza OR 5, 7, 5, 7. Adding a little more to make it sound a little deeper with more details.
Again, it was a goodie :)
I have to disagree with Tung. (no offense) This is a solid syllable count here and the flow was purrfect!! Like I said before, Du Lac, in this type of poetry, these words are needed. If you need a link to these types, I will be glad to provide it for you. Great job!
Very hot!!
Tungtied's comments are apt, though it is an ongoingly past set of sensations you're describing. I find the economy of language refreshing and evocative of the agonizing frustration you capture so well. Nice work!
aching and gushing can often be too vague to give maximum impact without accompanying metaphor or imagery. Also try present tense verbs which carry the weight of the moment better. Keep workin on it...thanks.