- Non-Erotic Poetry
- rhetoric
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you
my ether ore
pocketful of pyrite
grains pressed between fingertips
ever remember me
my gypsum man
jade charade with all
the shining lining of a
cloud of sterling
a precious metal
a dazzling gem
fuck the diamonds baby
they're not forever
nor my best friend.
- COMMENTS
twelveooneover 18 years agoWhat can I say, you have a real load here, i.e.
"pocketful of pyrite" is just one example
and these last three lines...
"fuck the diamonds baby
they're not forever
nor my best friend."
Oh well, 100 is all I can do
Anonymousover 18 years agoThis is good. The sound of your poetry makes while reading it is part of the fun of it. Nice work!
TheRainManover 18 years agoIt seems to me that as you expand the horizons of your subject matter your poetry improves, mainly because it begins reaching out to more than just a narrow set of eyes, holding some universal interest to everyone.
Your style is unique and pleasant. You work "sound" well and your writing always reads well to me.
IMO, you should give more thought to where you break lines. It does make a difference, I think, what words and thoughts you group together and which ones you leave at a line's end.
Anonymousover 18 years agoah I loved this on the passion thread, pocket full of pyrite, sounds great and packs a meaningful punch, well done, Mr. Fourty-Grees-- as
