Song of Myself

When I hear the rose scream

I gather all the failure experiments of an anatomical empire

and, with some chemical dream, discover

the hateful law of the earth and sun, and the screaming

rose between.

He was also looking for a Whitman reference, but since he does not know Whitman well, there could be one here and he simply has missed it. There are some interesting, rather bizarre, images ("a vine blooming penises, vaginas"), but it isn't clear what the poem is supposed to add up to--at least not clear to Poet Guy, but he is well-known to be dense.

He will say that he liked the last line as is; it seems more mythical (goddess-like?) phrased that way.

The fourth line is perfect and without it the rest would make no matter! Just my opinion!

I read this this morning and passed over it because I didn't see the point of it. I just read it again and I appreciated it much more this time. The imagery is very good. I keep looking for a Walt Whitman connection but I don't see one so maybe I shouldn't be looking there anyway. The dark forest line was fantastic! I may change a word or two and steal it for myself! Good poem!

...even notice the typo such was the ride this poem took me on. Lovely! I particularly like the Tiffany glass partition fighting fires - good choice of words.

Tess

I really enjoyed the first three lines but then it slipped away from me, I think it was the 'unthinkable things' that crashed it for me

I am a candy bar

with some hard crunchy things

that break your teeth

and make a mess

the first two lines look like you could do something with, but not add them to the rest,

this is just dreadful:

a dark forest sheltering unthinkable things.

You are forcing, take a break.

I voted, I regret a 5,

Typo fairy!!! That line should read 'I am what makes your fingers sticky'. I am having some issues with Word at the moment, say its saying when it isn't. I corrected that in the last draft and it obviously didn't before I closed it and I never noticed. Damn it.

is a joy to read aloud,but I am curious about the last line. It seems as ( if) a word might be missing

~~I am that makes your fingers sticky.~~

but it is early here and perhaps it is just me.

enjoyed this lovely piece, you have a tender touch which I like in erotica, rather than the vulgar in your face "stuff" that is so often posted here.

~ maria