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Click hereThe ballad of Sherlock Holmes.
I feel miserable
Winters make me ill
I feel miserable
Darkness tears at my foundations
I feel miserable
Snows are dragging me down to the depths of misery
I want to cry.
Is it because of winter that I feel this way?
With the grey rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Or am I lost in tale of wordsworth, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I damn well know so.
Drinking Broke My Will to Live
Drinking Broke My Will to Live
Drinking Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Drinking Broke My Will to Live.
I feel miserable
Demons rot the flesh from my bones
I feel miserable
Enclosure defeats my purpose
I feel miserable
Drugs are doing their best to impale my soul
I want to die.
Is it because of winter that I feel this way?
With the grey rays of misery pounding on my brain?
Am I lost in tales of wordsworth, adrift far from home
I don't think so, I already know so.
Drinking Broke My Will to Live
Drinking Broke My Will to Live
Oh God, drinking Broke My Will to Live
I was getting better but then
Drinking Broke My Will to Live.
I liked this, though the repetition sort of felt out of place, and I think you could have done a whole lot more with it if you'd gone a little more 'free' with it and not stuck so assiduously to a pattern.
"drinking broke my will to live..."
that particular chunk I can very much appreciate, and I like the way you set it down, but I don't know if putting it in there twice is the best idea (as a reader, it gets a little old, the second time.)
Overall, I'd say this was a poem with a lot of potential, though it needs trimming in spots, would benefit from pulling the pattern of it out and could use a bit of re-working. If you want to, I'd love to read it after you've beaten on it for a while, and if you want any more feedback from me, feel free to private message me any time.
~D.A.